Beating the Impostor

Just a warning: this is going to be one of those posts where I bare my soul. Well, maybe flash would be a better description. Either way, a little piece of me is going to be left on the page…or screen, as the case may be.

For years, now, I’ve been struggling with a demon called impostor syndrome. You may be familiar with it; hell, you may even battle it yourself. You know, that little voice inside your head that keeps reminding you that you don’t deserve any of the success you experience, that eventually the truth will come out and you’ll be revealed for the fraud that you are. It chalks all your victories up to luck or timing and says, “Just wait…they’ll all find out soon.”

Of course your rational mind knows better, but when was the last time your rational mind did you any good with an emotional issue? Yeah; me either. The part of your mind that suffers from impostor syndrome is far from rational. It’s the part of you that got stuck somewhere along the way and is acting out old drama. Until you realize that, you’re doomed to repeat the cycle.

An example? You got it: me. You see, I’ve had brushes with greatness, times when I knew I was *this close* to breaking through, and I’ve always pulled back at the last minute. I usually convince myself that it’s really for the best, that if I’d actually made it I would have exposed myself to the scrutiny of the world, a thought that scares the bejeezus out of me.

Just writing this stuff is freaking me out. Chances are good that these words will never see the light of day because I don’t let people in that way. Then again, I know a secret that just might inspire me to post this in spite of my fear. It’s a secret I’ve been learning gradually over the past few years, and I got a glimpse of it’s totality just last week.

I was listening to a presentation by Robin Robins; Robin was sharing a bit of her own history with the audience, hoping, I know, to break us out of our doubts. She was encouraging us to give up the need to be an expert with some kind of certification and to share the gifts we’ve been given, to stop letting our impostor syndrome stop us dead in our tracks. And then she did it: she put up the Magical Slide.

The slide was titled “Meet the Experts”, and it whacked me on the head like nothing I’ve ever experienced. The slide was just a list of names, familiar names, people I considered to be experts in their respective fields. Robin shared a few facts from their lives that altered my view of them in relation to me, and I was a changed man. Literally, right there on the spot, I knew I would never be the same. If these were the “experts”, why was I holding back?

I realized in an instant that I have every right and, in fact, a responsibility to share what I know in any way I can. The fact that my life to this point hasn’t been an overwhelming success from the perspective of those around me doesn’t matter; what matters is that my life so far has made me the person I am today. Who knows but that a softer, kinder life might have led to a softer mind? Is that what I really want?

In that moment, I became grateful for the struggles and adversity that have shaped me and taught me what I need to know to succeed. I immediately saw my past as a gift that would help me shape the future I desired.

In that moment, I beat the impostor.