pos·tur·ing
1 : to assume a posture; especially : to strike a pose for effect
2 : to assume an artificial or pretended attitude
This post has been stewing in my brain for days, and I think it’s about time I get it out. If it seems a little disjointed, well, consider the source.
I’m calling out the “fake it ’til you make it crowd”; I think it’s time to put that idea to rest. While the philosophy seemed like a good one at first blush, I’m beginning to understand that “faking it” is just another way of hiding from the fear of being open, honest and transparent.
The thought is that by pretending you’ve already arrived at the destination, somehow the journey will be less arduous and time-consuming. If you’ll just act like a successful business person (i.e. “fake it”), so the theory goes, people will assume that you are a successful businessperson and will want to do business with you (i.e. you’ll “make it”). Sounds good, right? You can move to the front of the class without doing any homework or passing any tests; who wouldn’t want to do that? Where do I sign up?
Here’s the problem, though: if you’re not a successful business person, pretending to be one is at least a little dishonest. What happens if that new client, trusting in the posture you’ve assumed, hands over a project you’re not prepared to deal with and you continue to fake it? What could your posturing cost you (not to mention your client) in the long run?
For the record, I want to be perfectly clear that “acting as if” and visualizing your success, both on your own and with your team, is one of the best ways to stay optimistic and to keep moving forward. What I’m concerned about, though, is the growing number of people I meet who are taking these exercises out into the world with them, pretending to know things they don’t know, taking on work that they don’t know how to do and have no intention of learning how to do, and causing harm to others in the process.
And why are they doing it? Because they’re living in fear of being “found out”. They fear if their clients find out that they’re struggling, the clients will go away. They fear admitting they’re having a tough time because they think it diminishes their value in the marketplace. They fear having their failures exposed. And so they “assume an artificial or pretended attitude”; they posture, hoping that no one will see the panic behind their plastic smiles.
It’s time to stop the madness. It’s time we all stopped posing and started being. It’s time to be OK with what IS, to accept it, to embrace it, to be grateful for it, to appreciate it, to revel in its perfection.
Struggling to pay your bills? Welcome to the club…we’re accepting new members daily. Wondering how you’re going to make payroll this month? Know that you’re not alone. Recovering from a failed business, a failed relationship, or a failed everything? Me too. And that’s OK. You know why?
Because life, in its infinite perfection, is teaching us the lessons we need to learn to prepare us for the greatness we were born for.
It’s a fine balance to maintain, and difficult at times, to live in that space where you’re simultaneously visualizing a better future and accepting the “IS”-ness of the present moment; if you’ll be patient with it, though, it will get easier. Deciding on the policy of transparency is a tough row to hoe, but the rewards outweigh the risks ten-fold. Stay tuned for a discussion of the benefits in a future post; in the meantime, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
Thanks for reading!
Well said. As you said, being open, honest and transparent is always the best policy. Chances are if you fake it and others are struggling they will see right through the charade and you’ll lose trust and confidence.
Exactly Geoff. Transparency builds trust; the more your clients get to know the real you, the better the chances they’ll become clients for life. Thanks for your feedback!
I was just reading the introduction to Martha Beck’s Steering by Starlight and she shared something amazing: some caterpillars, during metamorphosis, don’t just ‘change’ into a butterfly. Instead, they collapse into an amorphous gelatinous mass (my words) and then get reassembled into an entirely new being.
That’s sure as shootin’ not “faking” being a butterfly.
I have always hated the phrase ‘fake it until you make it.’ Someone near and dear to me lived that way for far too long before she stopped faking it and started doing it.
Me too; me too.
Thanks for sharing, Joel. Let me know how the rest of the book turns out!
Glad you’re being honest. It matters.
When I published my first book (Selling to Big Companies), people were stunned that I talked about my own business collapsing in the introduction.
I felt it was important to share, because then people would know that everyone struggles and they’re not alone. In fact, I regularly admit my mistakes — and people love it.
Here’s the link to a really popular newsletter article of mine that had a huge open rate because of the title:
Oops! Don’t Make These Same Mistakes that I Just Did
http://bit.ly/cMKSLD
Keep up the great work. I’m totally with you on the “stop posturing” campaign.
Thanks for chiming in, Jill! I’m totally with you: the more honest you are about your humanity, the better people respond to your message. People like to know that you can relate to them…not talk over their heads or make them feel like you’re unreachable. Keep up the great work, and I’ll talk to you soon!
I loved this post. I’ve never been comfortable with the fake it till you make it philosophy. I enjoyed your distinction between behaving as if and the fake it route. I’ve recently read Getting Naked which is about being transparent and genuine. To me the root of all this behaviour is the two fundamental fears that we all have to a greater or lesser extent. 1. Not being loved 2. Not being good enough
Thanks Ray! Your exactly right: the thing that holds us back from being open, honest and transparent is nothing more or less than fear. Thanks for sharing your insights!
Jerry,
You are so very right. Trading away transparency for “quick coercion” might seem gratifying at the time.
But it’s a dangerous game to play. It’s EMPATHY we need, not POSTURING.
Dan
You’re absolutely right, Dan: empathy is the key to building great relationships with your clients. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Hear, here!!
Thanks Becca!
Hi there, I just found your site for the first time. I 100% agree with your sentiment, but I feel you are doing the concept a disservice. The idea behind “faking it until you make it” is not intended, in my opinion, to be a public facing concern. It is an inward mechanism for building confidence in yourself, in engaging in the positive to create momentum and support action. It should come with advice to new recruits – apply logic and honesty to your efforts while doing your best to emit the confidence you will feel when you truly realize your goals. I don’t think it was intended in a spirit of deceit or in any way intended to be used to cheat or lie to customers. Maybe I choose to see the good angle only. Either way, I feel you take a negative interpretation of a positive intent, which is not a super way to make a point, even though your underlying point is great. Again, I am a million percent behind transparency and openness, and it is in that spirit that I hope you receive my comments.
I look forward to reading more from you.
Hi Phillip! You make some great points, and I thank you for sharing your thoughts on the subject!
When it comes to this subject, I like to make a distinction between the “fake it ’til you make it” approach and “acting as if”, which is what I think you’re describing. In my mind, the problem with “fake it ’til you make it” is right there in the phrase: fake it. Here’s the definition of fake from Merriam-Webster.com:
1: to alter, manipulate, or treat so as to give a spuriously genuine appearance to;
2: counterfeit, simulate, concoct
Those aren’t actions or attitudes I want to direct inward.
“Acting as if”, on the other hand, seems to better fit the practice of stepping in to the confidence and success you want to achieve, no matter what your position at the start. That may seem like splitting hairs, but the words we use really do affect us, and “faking it” doesn’t seem like the kind of positive phrase that will support your success.
Am I way off base? Thanks again for sharing; I truly appreciate your willingness to speak your mind!
Jerry
[...] post, I discussed the problem with the “fake it ’til you make it” approach to business, namely the difficulty it creates for building open, honest, transparent relationships with your [...]
Thanks Jerry, I also dislike the “fake” implications and enjoyed reading your position on the language. I agree “acting as if” is better. Let’s agree to evolve the statement to better reflect its intended sentiment.
Cheers,
PWE
Excellent idea, Phillip! Thanks again for your comments, and I’m looking forward to exchanging ideas with you in the future!
Great Post Jerry,
I would have to say that I remember hearing the “F” phrase when I was a younger pup in grad school, and I thought to myself, hm-mm, that makes sense to me. Acting As If is a more favorable phrase in LIFE! It has a more positive tone to it. The hard work and preparation have been accomplished now it should be second nature, “ACT AS IF”
Yours In Health,
Bryan
Thanks Dr. Bryan…I’m really glad you enjoyed the post!
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[...] “Fake It ’til You Make It” was always something my high school choir teacher used to say. I’m not sure why anymore; it was so long ago now that I only remember the parts that stuck rather than the reasons behind them. [...]
Hi Jerry,
Nice post (I told you I would stop by)! I agree that faking it is a bad strategy in the long run. The reality is that some people get away with it, and as I wrote in my buzz about this, that ends up hurting other people.
Ultimately, honesty and transparency are keys to success for everyone in a circle of influence.
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Thanks for stopping by, Tia, and thanks for leaving your comments (and for buzzing this post!). I’d like to see a conversation started about this subject in the blogosphere, where it seems that so many are content to hide behind the anonymity of the internet and pretend to be something they’re not. Thanks again for sharing in the conversation!
Thanks you for posting this! I make custom wedding cakes, and there are so many people who enter the wedding business without the experience to pull off what they’re advertising they can do. Whether it’s someone who’s taken one cake decorating course and thinks they know how to construct a wedding cake, or someone who just got a new camera and thinks that qualifies them to be a photographer, it’s very easy to set yourself up as a wedding professional without being able to deliver. It harms those of us who have worked hard and have the experience to back us up because it gives the entire industry a bad reputation. It’s one thing to be confident and motivated, but entirely different if you’re presenting yourself as someone who’s qualified to deliver services that you really can’t.
Thanks for your input, Kara. Years of conditioning have made it hard for people to admit to their limitations, and I think it’s going to take some time to reverse course. A good place to start, I think, is making the distinction between “faking it” and “acting as if”. Great blog, by the way…your cakes look fantastic!
Excellent post. Served great as a morale booster when I was drafting my last blog post
. Thanks man 
.
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Thanks…I’m glad you enjoyed it!
I agree 100%. Unfortunately in today’s society it seems that being fake, manipulative, dangerous is encouraged and celebrated. Character is what happens when you “make it”. Failure is what happens when you “fake it”. But alas, character is no longer a value appreciated by those who lack it.
Thanks for the comment, Phil. You’re right to say that being fake and manipulative is still sometimes encouraged in our society; that’s why I think it’s so important to be transparent and to encourage others to do the same. Together we can create a culture of openness and honesty!