“You teach best what you most need to learn.” – Richard Bach
As I sat down to write today’s post, I found myself having to take a big heaping spoonful of my own medicine. I didn’t like the way it tasted going down, but I know I’ll feel better for having taken it. That’s the problem with sharing your ideas in such a public format: you leave yourself open to people calling you on your BS when you’re not applying your own wisdom. I guess that’s not really a problem, though…probably more of a benefit since it keeps you in alignment with your own philosophy.
The scary (and kind of cool) part, though, is when you start to catch yourself in the act before someone else has to point it out to you. That’s when you know you’re getting close to living your truth.
I’ve been having that experience more and more often. Like today when I was driving home from the office. I suddenly realized that I was in a funk (and had been for a couple of days) because I was trying to control the outcomes in my life (the things I can’t control) instead of focusing on the processes (the things I totally have control over).
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“That age will be rich indeed when those relics which we call Classics, and the still older and more than classic but even less known Scriptures of the nations, shall have still further accumulated, when the Vaticans shall be filled with Vedas and Zandavestas and Bibles, with Homers and Dantes and Shakespeares, and all the centuries to come shall have successively deposited their trophies in the forum of the world. By such a pile we may hope to scale heaven at last.” – Henry David Thoreau in Walden
I know he wasn’t aware of it at the time, but I’m pretty sure Thoreau was talking about the internet when he wrote those words. We have the greatest repository of information the world has ever seen, right at our fingertips. That said, we should be the best-read generation of all time…but we’re not. A study conducted by the National Endowment for the Arts in 2004 found that fewer than half of American adults read literature for pleasure. Fewer than half!
That’s a stunner, particularly considering the overwhelming evidence that being an avid reader is the one thing that most successful people have in common. Self-education by reading great books is a key to your personal development, which has to come before you can hope to make improvements in other areas of your life.
Understand this: if you want to improve your lot in life, you’re going to have to get in the habit of reading. A lot. Every day. Sorry: the fact that you don’t enjoy reading is entirely irrelevant. You’ll get used to it, and you’ll probably even start to like it after awhile. It may (and probably will) become one of your favorite activities. You’ll begin to wonder what you did all those years before you realized how delightful a good book can be.
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It seems like I’m finding more and more occasions to quote Edward Norton’s character at the end of the movie “Fight Club”: after realizing he’s been suffering from a split personality, brawling with the other personality, and, ultimately, shooting himself in the mouth to get rid of his other personality (oh, and did I mention blowing up San Francisco’s financial district?), he turns to his girlfriend and says “You met me at a very strange time in my life.”
That’s what I keep wanting to tell the people around me: you met me at a very strange time in my life. Changing careers, starting new ventures and partnerships, reconsidering long-standing relationships, trying to keep my head above water and reprogramming my unconscious mind has made for a very interesting couple of years, to say the least. Here’s the thing, though: I know I’m not alone.
If there’s one good thing that’s come out of the economic upheaval of the past year or so, it’s the fact that so many of us are stopping to re-examine what’s truly important in our lives. Sure, the answers have been pretty startling to some of us, but it’s been a cleansing that’s been a long time coming. We’ve been so caught up in the material and mundane for the last decade that a lot of us forgot who we really are and what truly matters to us.
I’m not saying that we need to start shaving our heads and pummeling each other in basements and parking lots in the middle of the night. What we do need, though, is a good healthy dose of temporary insanity, a chance to step back from the routine of life and have a look at the ruts we’re wearing into our souls.
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This past week, I’ve been re-reading Walden and Civil Disobedience by Henry David Thoreau and contemplating why I’m so drawn to Thoreau’s message of non-conformity. It all began to make sense to me when I got this Copyblogger article by Sonia Simone in my email last Thursday.
The post basically said that in order to be a successful entrepreneur you have to be a little nuts. You have to be willing to step outside the realm of what others, particularly your “normal” friends and family, consider to be right for you. Taking the plunge and trying to create a great business that supports your lifestyle is risky, and it’s hard to conform to what the herd is doing and take risks at the same time.
Sonia’s article was a big deal for me; I had a pretty strong emotional reaction to it. You see, I’ve been struggling for the past several years to create what I consider to be my dream business, and I haven’t had the kind of success I’ve wanted so far. As you can imagine, that’s been pretty frustrating. I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out what it is that I’m doing wrong and why things aren’t working the way I think they should be.
As I was reading the article, I realized what I’ve been doing wrong: I’ve been trying to build my business based on other people’s ideas of what was “normal”. I’ve been taking the advice of well-meaning friends and family and putting it into practice in my business. I’ve been obsessed with the idea of “credibility” and whether or not I have it. I’ve worried about what other people might be think of the things I write here and elsewhere.
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Just a warning: this is going to be one of those posts where I bare my soul. Well, maybe flash would be a better description. Either way, a little piece of me is going to be left on the page…or screen, as the case may be.
For years, now, I’ve been struggling with a demon called impostor syndrome. You may be familiar with it; hell, you may even battle it yourself. You know, that little voice inside your head that keeps reminding you that you don’t deserve any of the success you experience, that eventually the truth will come out and you’ll be revealed for the fraud that you are. It chalks all your victories up to luck or timing and says, “Just wait…they’ll all find out soon.”
Of course your rational mind knows better, but when was the last time your rational mind did you any good with an emotional issue? Yeah; me either. The part of your mind that suffers from impostor syndrome is far from rational. It’s the part of you that got stuck somewhere along the way and is acting out old drama. Until you realize that, you’re doomed to repeat the cycle.
An example? You got it: me. You see, I’ve had brushes with greatness, times when I knew I was *this close* to breaking through, and I’ve always pulled back at the last minute. I usually convince myself that it’s really for the best, that if I’d actually made it I would have exposed myself to the scrutiny of the world, a thought that scares the bejeezus out of me.
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I’m increasingly disturbed…OK, appalled would be a better word…by an attitude I’m seeing crop up more and more frequently. As you know from reading this blog, I’m kind of a fanatic about customer service. As a result, when I encounter what I percieve to be bad customer service, I’m vocal about it.
What concerns me is the growing number of people who react negatively when I point out bad customer service. Many of them say things that basically amount to “that’s what the stupid customers get for being so stupid and stupidly calling with their stupid complaints!”
More and more, people in general (and customer service reps in particular) are defending the right of businesses to provide bad service. The icing on the cake was an article I came across via Dan Waldschmidt’s blog about Dell charging a monthly fee for customer service. Have a look at the article here, and pay special attention to the first dozen or so comments. You’ll read things like this:
“I whole-heartedly agree that most calls to tech support should be charged a service fee. Especially if the caller is someone whom is too stupid to actually read the instruction book or has absolutely no common sense. I mean, we are here on the phone trying to help them fix a problem that is usually created by the customer in the first place. Should we really have to waste our time fixing your mistakes for minimum wage with you complaining in our ear and saying how crappy support is while we can still hear you?”
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“I will live this day as if it is my last.” - from The Scroll Marked V, The Greatest Salesman In the World by Og Mandino
I’ll never forget the scene in “Dead Poets’ Society” when Robin Williams lines his students up in the hallway in front of the pictures of students from years past and whispers in their ears, “Carpe diem, boys…seize the day”. The Scroll Marked V reminds us of this valuable lesson in a powerful way: don’t just seize the day…seize it as if it were your last!
I encourage you to consider that everything you’ve ever been told about guilt and worry is wrong (that is, unless you’ve been fortunate enough to be told that they are both wasted energy). Unscrupulous and/or misguided parents, teachers, leaders and managers have for centuries used guilt and worry to manipulate those under their supervision to do what was expected of them; that kind of manipulation is certainly effective at motivating in the short-term, but the long-term stress it causes ultimately destroys any motivation and puts the subject in a state of constant, immobilizing fear.
Have a look around and you’ll see what I mean. Way back in 1854, Henry David Thoreau identified the cumulative effect of this kind of manipulation when he wrote that “the mass of men lead lives of quiet desparation”. How many of your friends, neighbors and co-workers does that describe? The problem, of course, is fear. Fear that yesterday’s transgressions will somehow prevent us from succeeding today; fear, too, that we won’t be up to the challenges that tomorrow presents.
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“I am nature’s greatest miracle.” - from The Scroll Marked IV, The Greatest Salesman In the World by Og Mandino
By now I hope it’s clear that the path to becoming the greatest salesperson (or anything else) in the world is mainly an effort made with your attitude and beliefs rather than your skills and methods. The greatest challenge a salesperson has to overcome to acheive success is the challenge of mastering his or her own mind! The first three scrolls have taught us the importance of optimism, love and persistence. The fourth scroll sets out the importance of a healthy dose of self-esteem.
Without a proper view of yourself, success is next to impossible. The person who constantly degrades himself is assured of fulfilling his own prophecies. I have a question for you: when is the last time you gave yourself a little encouragement? We are ususally so quick to condemn ourselves as failures that we often forget how truly wonderful and miraculous we are. Just the fact that you can breathe, beat your heart, convert food into fuel, ward off disease, think about a beautiful sunset and a billion other things all at the same time is a miracle; you should be constantly amazed at how incredible you are!
This isn’t an invitation to become an egomaniac; nobody likes a braggart. At the same time, though, you must begin to develop and maintain the proper level of self-respect. You are truly a wonder of creation, and you should celebrate that each and every day you live.
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“I will persist until I succeed.” - from The Scroll Marked III, The Greatest Salesman In the World by Og Mandino
This principle has become my personal mantra over the course of the last few years. I remember a former employer whose favorite phrase was “Persistence overcomes resistance”, and that phrase has stuck with me through some pretty challenging times.
It’s a fact: the last few years haven’t been easy on anyone. The reason I created Motivation 101 and started this blog was that I kept hearing people around me talking like they were ready to just give up and run for cover; I knew that was the wrong response, and I felt compelled to jump in and do something about it. So I recorded an audio program in a friend’s garage. He produced it, and I started making CDs in my home office and handing them out to anyone who was willing to listen.
The feedback was encouraging: most of the people I talked to were discouraged, but not quite ready to roll over just yet. We would talk about their challenges and how the principles of positive thinking and persistence were the only things getting them by. Some of them had lost jobs, homes, credit scores and personal dignity. It had all taken a toll on their self-image, but they hadn’t given up. They wanted to keep going, and we were able to offer each other mutual encouragement.
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“I will greet this day with love in my heart.” - from The Scroll Marked II, The Greatest Salesman In the World by Og Mandino
Love can be hard to pin down to a single definition. In the second principle for becoming the greatest salesperson the world has ever seen, qualities like gratitude, passion, enthusiasm and optimism are grouped under the subject of love; each of these facets of love is required to truly succeed as a salesperson.
Think of the mental outlook this principle encourages the would-be salesperson to embrace: if you truly greet the day with love in your heart, do you think that a little discouragement or rejection will stop you? That’s the power of optimism, the part of love that’s always looking to the future with hope and a smile.
Mandino nails it when he says that “only the unseen power of love can open the hearts of men”. You’ve likely seen this in action. Think of the last time you were dealing with a real skeptic, a nay-sayer who had absolutely no interest in hearing about what you had to offer. How would you set about winning such a person over to your way of thinking? Would you try to persuade with logic and reasoning? Try that and let me know how it works out. Trying to convince another person they’re wrong with logic is like pushing a wheelbarrow full of bricks up a hill: no fun at all.
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