Last week was another one of those “learning” weeks.

It all started on Wednesday when my BFF Carolyn posted the video for Nickleback’s song “If Today Was Your Last Day” on Facebook.  I’m not a huge Nickleback fan, but I love the message of this song.  My favorite line: “Against the grain should be a way of life. What’s worth the prize is always worth the fight.”  After all of the discoveries from the past few weeks, you’d think I’d be used to this by now, but hearing this song stopped me in my tracks and reminded me just how fragile life is and how I shouldn’t be wasting any time doing things I don’t really care about.

Then came the hard lesson: on Friday morning, I learned that a kid I had known out in Calaveras County, and who I’d spent some time mentoring when I lived there, had died in a car accident the day before.

Holy. Shit.

He was only 20…newly married…his whole life ahead of him.  And gone.  Just like that.  His Facebook page is still up…his friends have been leaving messages and tagging pictures.  Welcome to mourning in the digital age.  I keep going back and reading the new posts and thinking over and over about the delicate thread we hang on by.

And then I read this post by Johnny B. Truant, where he basically drove the point home in a way that only Johnny B. can: with a 2×4 to the back of the head.  He basically said, although much more eloquently, that if you’re planning on doing great things in your life, what the hell are you waiting for?  If you’re not doing it now, when do you plan on starting?

And you know what?  I think I’m finally starting to get it…

If you’re waiting to say “I love you” until “the time is right”, stop waiting.  Say it now.  You might not get another chance.

If you’re waiting to start  that business of your dreams until you have more time, stop stalling.  Be about it.  Now would be good.

If you’ve been thinking of changing careers to one you’ll actually enjoy, stop thinking.  Take the first step.  Now.

At the end of the day, now is all you’ve got.  Use it wisely.

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In loving memory of Ryan Vlavianos, 1991-2001.  You will be missed by all of us who knew and loved you.

One of the realizations I’ve come to over the past few weeks of breakdowns and breakthroughs is that I have to, at all costs, stop pretending to be someone else.  You’d think that would be pretty easy; on the surface, consciously, we don’t like to think of ourselves as posers.

And yet, every day, we do and say things that are out of line with what we really want to do and say.  I’ll wager lunch at your favorite drive-thru restaurant that you did it at least once today; I know I did.  Why do we do it?  Because we’re afraid.  Afraid of what other people will think, afraid that we might be wrong, afraid that nobody will like us if we let them know who we really are.

Meanwhile, we’re slowly dying inside.  Keep turning off those aspects of your personality that you fear, one by one, and eventually you’ll wake up one day wondering who you are and what you’ve done with your life.  Trust me when I tell you that it’s not fun.  Fruitful and necessary, yes, but not fun.  Because it’s at that point that you have to start untangling yourself from the story and sorting out which bits are the real you and which bits were the version of you that was engineered to please others.

The problem for some of us is that we’ve spent so long pleasing others that we’ve completely forgotten what, exactly, it is that’s important to us.  We get so caught up in school and work and kids and activities that we never take the time to reflect on the direction we’re headed.

It’s time to get back in touch with your dreams.  Don’t let another day go by; start now.  Take some time today, even if it’s only five minutes…hell, even if it’s only one minute…to really think about what it is that you want to do with your life.  Write it down and ask yourself why you’re not doing it; what’s holding you back?

Then, when you’ve got the vision and purged the excuses, start doing it.  You owe it to yourself and, more importantly, you owe it to the world.

We’re counting on you.  It’s time to stop pretending and start being you.  It’s time to be amazing.  You can do this!

A friend reminded me the other day of the parable (variously attributed to Alexander the Great, Cortes and others) of the adventurer who, on landing on the shores of his destination, burned his ships to send a message to his men that there was no turning back.  She had recently had a “ship-burning” moment of her own and was at the same time ecstatic and nervous.

I had mine last Wednesday, and I know exactly what she’s talking about.

You see, setting the ships on fire is fun: you get to play with matches and lighter fluid, which is always a good time.  It’s only when you’re standing on the shore, watching the flames engulf every last scrap of wood, that you get the sinking, “Oh shit!” feeling in your stomach and begin to wonder if you did the right thing and whether you remembered to pay the insurance premium this month.

Don’t get me wrong; I know that burning the ships was the right thing to do.  If I hadn’t, I don’t think I’d ever have broken away from some of the things that have been holding me back.  I’m simply acknowledging the fear, owning it, staring it in its ugly face, getting ready to let it go.

A lot has changed in just a few short days, but the biggest change has been in me.  There’s an old Zen teaching that I love: “Before enlightenment, chopping wood, carrying water. After enlightenment, chopping wood, carrying water.”  I take it to mean for me that, while the things that need to be done remain the same (i.e. making a living, paying the bills, etc.), they’ll never be quite the same because I’m a different person than I was last week.

Here we go.  No more pretending; time to start showing up as me and doing what I need to do to fulfill my mission.  More on that in a future post; let it suffice to say for now that I’m more excited than I’ve ever been.

In the meantime, there’s something I want to say to you.

The reason for last week’s breakdown was simple: I’d been pretending and, as it turns out, you can only do that for so long before it catches up with you.  I know I’m not alone.  There are a lot of us pretending right now, pretending that we’re doing what we want to do and that everything is okay, while inside we’re dying a little every day.  Sound familiar?

So here’s what I want to say: it’s alright to stop pretending now.  In fact, it’s more than alright; if you want to start living, it’s a necessity.

Yes, it will be hard, and yes, it will upset the people in your life who would prefer that you keep pretending so as not to disturb their sleep.  You can’t change those things.  All you can change is you.

The good news is that once you stop pretending, life just gets better every day.  I’m only four days into my new life, and I can tell you without hesitation that I made the right choice.

The days are blurring together. Literally. I sometimes forget whether it’s Monday and I should be writing a proposal for a new computer network, or Saturday and I’m supposed to be recording a podcast and setting up someone’s blog, or Thursday and I should be at a networking mixer, or Tuesday and I should be on a conference call about an upcoming Intel Hybrid Cloud event.

Sometimes, I just want to stop.  It would feel really good, I think, to take a week off, sit in a chair on the beach, and catch up on some reading.  But then I remember: I love what I do, and I love my life.  I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

My friends and family (especially my family) keep telling me that I need to slow down.  I love the fact that they’re concerned about me; I really do.  The funny thing is that they come across like they think my life sucks.  I promise you though: it doesn’t.  I’m tired, I don’t really have much of a social life (unless you count the networking, which pretty much rocks if you live in Sacramento), I have two day jobs and a part-time business, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

Johnny B. Truant is right: suck is relative.  If you love what you do, even the shitty days are amazing.

“For every sale you miss because you’re too enthusiastic, you will miss a hundred because you’re not enthusiastic enough.” – Zig Ziglar 

The last two posts on this blog discussed steps you can take to accelerate your motivation in tough economic times.  The first suggested that you get clarity and focus on your goals by asking “Why?”  The second mentioned the need to stay focused, primarily by avoiding the distraction of the “Bad News Blues”.  

What else, though, can you do to get motivated and moving in the direction of your dreams?  The quote above from Zig Ziglar nails it: you must get passionate about what you do in order to stay motivated and moving forward.  Why?

To answer that question, I’d like you to think about an activity you really enjoy.  Let’s say, for example, that you love to golf.  Here’s the question: what does a golf lover do in order to play the game?  The answer: whatever it takes to get on the course!  In fact, people who are passionate about golf have been motivated to call in sick to work, cancel all other activities and golf in the rain in order to play at a favorite course.  Now that’s passion!

Think for a moment, though, about something you hate to do.  For me, it’s yard work.  For some reason, no matter how she tries, my wife just cannot convince me that spending time pulling weeds and trimming hedges is good for me.  So, here’s another question: what will I do to get out of doing yard work?  The answer: whatever it takes!  I’ve even been know to occassionally fake injury and/or illness to avoid spending the afternoon on this loathsome chore.

Now take these same principles, and apply them to the average salesperson or entrpreneur.  Did you know that as many as 87% of respondents in surveys say they dislike their jobs?  Keep in mind, that number includes people who are self-employed!  Can you imagine hiring yourself to do a job you hate?  Why would anyone do that?

The point is this: if you hate what you do or what you sell, it’s going to come through loud and clear to the people you serve and they are going to be less likely to buy from you.  After all, if you don’t believe in the product or service enough to be excited about it, why should they buy it?

Your passion and enthusiasm for the products and/or services you sell is critical to your success.  If you don’t feel particularly passionate about what you sell, though, all is not lost.  It’s possible you just need to shift your perspective.  What does your product offer to the people or businesses you serve?  Better value?  Some kind of competitive advantage?  Is there anything about it that gets you excited?  

If you can find that spark of excitement, latch on to it and go sell that enthusiasm and belief.  If you can’t, though, it might be time to consider a change.  After all, trying to motivate yourself to do a job you hate is like trying to get a geek to do yard work: it annoys the geek and frustrates his wife.  Trust me; I’ve got the weeds to prove it!