“That’s what a writer does. A writer’s job is to tell the truth.” – Andy Rooney

I was reading an article about Andy Rooney’s death earlier this week, and I came across that quote.  Rooney, best known for his curmudgeonly opinion pieces at the end of episodes of “60 Minutes“, is one of my heroes.  Granted, I haven’t worked my way through all 1,097 of his show-enders, but what I’ve seen consistently is a man who wasn’t afraid to speak his mind.  He didn’t hold back.

Sometimes he offended people, sometimes he caused an uproar, but he always spoke his truth.  He didn’t form his opinions by sticking his finger to the wind or consulting focus groups; he knew where he stood.  Whether you agreed with him or not, whether you like him or not, you got the sense that he was a person of conviction.

So here’s a question to ponder while you reflect on Rooney’s passing: can people say the same about you?

Speaking your truth isn’t always easy.  It’s not always popular.  It’s not always going to make people like you.  And it’s the most important thing you’ll ever do.

Of course, in order to speak your truth, you have to know what it is.  Are you taking the time to reflect on what’s truly important in your life?  Are you seeking to find your truth?  Or have you checked out and resigned yourself to living out the plans others have made for you?

I read this on Steve Hamm‘s Facebook wall earlier tonight: “Building a life by design, not by default.”  Yeah…that’s it.  That’s what I’m talking about.  Steve is spot on: if you’re not choosing your truth, designing your life every step of the way, then you’re building a life by default.  Usually those defaults have been programmed by someone else, and the default programs are typical not going to give you the life you want.

Andy Rooney made a career out of speaking his truth; there’s absolutely no reason your truth should be any different or less meaningful.  You just have to develop the audacious habit of standing in it, living it, and choosing to do so every minute of every day.  And that, dear readers, is the secret sauce to a fulfilled life.

Just for fun, here’s my favorite Andy Rooney moment:

How about you?  Do you have a favorite Andy Rooney-ism?  If so, or even if you hated him, share it in the comments below.

There seem to be a lot of opinions about what qualifies as the truth these days. Politicians of every stripe, religious leaders and zealots, philosophers and scientists all clamor for attention as they hold up their ancient teachings or current opinions or latest discoveries as “the truth”, the one and only way to believe. It can be pretty confusing to digest, and even harder to actually do anything with it all.

Fortunately, that’s not the kind of truth I’m talking about when I speak of choosing the truth. It’s not universal truth I’m interested in; I’ll leave that chase to others. What I’m digging for and becoming more obsessed with every day is the pursuit of personal truth, that thing at the core of each of us that is the driving force of our lives…or should be.

And there’s the rub. Too many of us have stopped caring about our personal truth. We’ve sacrificed it to the gods of Comfort, Complacency, and Conformity. We’ve found that life is easier if we don’t make waves or have big dreams, that things go more smoothly if we just keep our heads down, keep plodding along, and ignore the tugging at our souls to do bigger, more important things.

But the more we ignore the tugging, the deeper our world sinks into mediocrity. Each day, with every decision to give up on the pursuit of greatness and settle for what life has served up with smiles on our faces, the world gets a little grayer and a little more bland. It doesn’t have to be that way; we can choose differently. We can choose the truth.

Choosing the truth is simply this: a resolve to stop lying to yourself. It’s finding the guts to stop pretending that giving up on your dreams is okay. It’s finding the courage to face the toughest question life has to offer: what, exactly, is my life about? What am I here for? What can I offer that no one else can to make this world a better place to live?

Big questions, I know. Scary questions, for sure. But would you rather ask them now, while you can still do something about the answers, or when it’s too late and you’re stuck with the regret?

I won’t kid you: choosing the truth won’t be easy. It will be a decision you’ll have to make every day for the rest of your life, and probably several times a day. The outcome won’t always be desirable or pleasant (more on that in a future post), but you’ll have the comfort of knowing you’re moving consciously, and you’ll be able to make course corrections along the way to get closer to the outcome you want.

In the end, you won’t have to wonder if you really lived. You’ll look back on a life, not of quiet desperation like the mass of men lead, but of deliberate choice. And that, my friends, is a life truly worth living.

Well hello there; it’s been a while, hasn’t it. Don’t worry, though: I’m not going to bore you with the details this time. I’ve just been off hibernating. Ruminating. Percolating. Meditating.

The Foo Fighters have always been a favorite band of mine and their new song “Walk” (the video above) takes it to a whole new level. It’s a fantastic song on a lot of levels, but more than anything it’s the lyrics; they really hit home right now. I am, indeed, learning to walk again. I’ve certainly waited long enough. So…where do I begin?

Everything is moving. My business is steadily growing, I’m working on a couple of joint ventures that look promising, and I have a project in the works that’s looking to be incredibly fun and exciting. At the same time, I’m getting acquainted with being single for the first time in a long time. And I’m performing again.

Relationships are changing, work is changing, play is changing. And I’m definitely changing: more relaxed, more productive, in the flow, watching the unfolding of my life instead of trying to control the outcome. Letting go of my need to be in control.

Personal evolution is a funny thing; it’s only when you stop trying to evolve that it finally happens. It happens when you start showing up, appreciating the present moment, and detaching from the need to know how things are going to turn out. It happens when you stop worrying what other people are going to think and start speaking and living your truth.

I think T.S. Eliot was right:

“We shall not cease from exploration,
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.”

This place certainly looks familiar…but also different. It must be the new eyes.

Last week was another one of those “learning” weeks.

It all started on Wednesday when my BFF Carolyn posted the video for Nickleback’s song “If Today Was Your Last Day” on Facebook.  I’m not a huge Nickleback fan, but I love the message of this song.  My favorite line: “Against the grain should be a way of life. What’s worth the prize is always worth the fight.”  After all of the discoveries from the past few weeks, you’d think I’d be used to this by now, but hearing this song stopped me in my tracks and reminded me just how fragile life is and how I shouldn’t be wasting any time doing things I don’t really care about.

Then came the hard lesson: on Friday morning, I learned that a kid I had known out in Calaveras County, and who I’d spent some time mentoring when I lived there, had died in a car accident the day before.

Holy. Shit.

He was only 20…newly married…his whole life ahead of him.  And gone.  Just like that.  His Facebook page is still up…his friends have been leaving messages and tagging pictures.  Welcome to mourning in the digital age.  I keep going back and reading the new posts and thinking over and over about the delicate thread we hang on by.

And then I read this post by Johnny B. Truant, where he basically drove the point home in a way that only Johnny B. can: with a 2×4 to the back of the head.  He basically said, although much more eloquently, that if you’re planning on doing great things in your life, what the hell are you waiting for?  If you’re not doing it now, when do you plan on starting?

And you know what?  I think I’m finally starting to get it…

If you’re waiting to say “I love you” until “the time is right”, stop waiting.  Say it now.  You might not get another chance.

If you’re waiting to start  that business of your dreams until you have more time, stop stalling.  Be about it.  Now would be good.

If you’ve been thinking of changing careers to one you’ll actually enjoy, stop thinking.  Take the first step.  Now.

At the end of the day, now is all you’ve got.  Use it wisely.

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In loving memory of Ryan Vlavianos, 1991-2001.  You will be missed by all of us who knew and loved you.

Yesterday I promised to reveal the question that has transformed my life and taken me from playing small to playing larger than I ever have, from showing up as the janitor to embracing my inner rock star and finally, finally starting to live on purpose. But before I do, let me tell you a little about the events leading up to this discovery and how taking some of these steps can help you to finally quiet those voices in your head that keep telling you that you’re not good enough.

I’d been up visiting family in Oregon for my niece’s graduation. On the way home, we decided to stop overnight in the little town where I grew up, Cave Junction, Oregon (go ahead, Google it…you’ll be stunned). We spent Sunday night at my uncle’s house, and Monday morning we decided to putter around town for a few hours before heading back home to Sacramento.

It had been a long, long time, like a couple of decades, since I’d spent any significant time in CJ (that’s what we locals call it). I’d been back in my adult life for three occassions: the funerals of my grandparents, the funeral of my cousin, Steven, and the wedding of my niece, Kristy. Each of those trips had been accomplished, round trip from Sacramento, in a single day. Meaning in and out, no time for sight-seeing. This time was different; no one was in a hurry, and we just wandered around a bit.

And then it happened: I said I wanted to go to my old elementary school and take a picture and, as soon as I set foot on that hallowed ground, I started shaking and getting choked up, then crying. It made no sense. There I was, a grown man, standing in front of this timy little school and weeping. Ummm…WTF?

My brother Kevin had jumped out of the car with me and he suggested that we take a walk around the school grounds and see what happened. As I was walking through the halls and out on the playground, I felt like I was wrestling with a ghost. I heard all the voices of all the kids calling me “nerd” and “four-eyes” and making fun of my hand-me-down clothes. I remembered what it felt like to never quite fit in because I’d been moved up from first to second grade in the first few weeks of school because I could already read at fourth-grade level.

And it hit me: this is exactly where I learned to feel “less than”. To feel inferior. To not like myself. It was a scene that would be repeated throughout my school days, right up until I decided in high school that I’d rather be liked than be smart, and started to pretend so that I could fit in.

In that moment, a lot of questions got answered. Like why I’ve been sabotaging myself for so long. Like why I seem to be determined to prove my negative, self-destructive beliefs right by behaving in a way that supports them. Like why I’ve been acting like…well…like a big weenie for so long.

The drive home was intense. I sat quietly, staring out the window. I think my folks thought that maybe I’d had some kind of psychoyic episode or break with reality. But I was just thinking. Thinking of all the ways that I’d been letting a bunch of second-graders hold me back in my life. Thinking of all the times I’d let their voices win the debate. And realizing that it was finally all over, that I was done with it, that I’d left that ghost back on that playground.

It was a couple of days later and a few tons of emotional baggage lighter when I first discovered the most powerful question question. I’d just finished a conversation with a close friend, someone who’d proved to me the meaning of friendship and stuck by me through some pretty dark days.

As I hung up the phone, I asked myself, “Now, would someone as amazing as that really want to be my friend and stand by me through times like this if I’m really the piece of shit I try to convince myself I am?”

I was literally shocked into silence. Even the chatter in my brain stopped for a full beat as I processed the question. So I asked it again, this time demanding an answer from myself. Silence still. I had no answer, other than the obvious one. So I didn’t stop; I kept asking. “And what about _____? Would he like you if you were such a wretched human being? And _______? Would she always call to check in on you if you were all that bad?”

And so for the last ten days I’ve been playing this game; every time someone demonstrates friendship or kindness toward me, I ask myself, “Now would they have done that if you’re really the bottom-feeder you think you are?”

And, of course, the answer is always the same: no. I must not be, because I really respect that person, and I don’t want to make them wrong just so I can be right. Now, more than ever, I want to earn their belief in me by letting myself show up as the rock star they think I am.

So here’s what I want you to do: if you did your homework yesterday, you should have a list of people who really dig you. It might not be a long list to start with; hell, mine only had one name on it at the beginning. It will get longer as you start to pay attention. Got your list? Start asking yourself the question: “If I’m really the piece of shit I believe myself to be, would ________ really like me and want to be my friend?”

And here’s the tricky bit: when you start to doubt yourself and beat yourself up and act like a weenie, you have to stop and ask yourself the question. And answer it honestly. And start to pay attention to all the people who love you and believe in you. Trust me, it’s way more fun and, in the end, far more satisfying.

So now that you know the secret, how will you use the most powerful question in the universe? Be sure to share your strategies and successes in the comment section below, and thanks for reading!

You know how sometimes a person pulls a Thoreau and wanders off into the woods to do a little soul-searching, then when they come back all they want to talk about is all the existential shit they discovered while they were off with the trees, but all you really want to talk about is what a bitch Becky at work is being? Yeah, it’s gonna be one of those posts.

You see, while I haven’t been off “finding myself” in the woods, the place I was wandering was almost as scary. I’ve been on walkabout in my own head, and let me tell you: it’s no walk in Central Park in there. Unless we’re talking about the scene in that Roy Scheider/Meryl Streep flick “Still of the Night” where the crazy killer lady is just on the other side of that tunnel waiting to kill someone; it’s kind of like that Central Park.

And what did I find on this dark and dangerous excursion? As corny as it sounds, I think I finally found my self-worth.

Look, you and I have entered into a kind of unspoken arrangement: you come here because you like the things I say or because what I talk about resonates with you (thank you for that!), and I come here because I’ve realized that openness and honesty are the first steps on my road to redemption. On your side of the unspoken agreement, you’ve concurred that if you like what you read you’ll come back again, maybe leave a comment, maybe tell a friend or two, and help grow this community of rebels and non-conformists. On my side, I’ve agreed to share it all, no matter how messy, in the hope that something I say or do will be just the thing you needed to see or hear today.

A couple of months ago, that got a little edgy. Believe it or not, tomorrow will mark the two month anniversary of me going all Juliet on this blog. In some ways, it seems like an eternity has passed; in others, like it just happened yesterday. So much has changed that it hardly seems possible. There have been ups and downs, of course, and even a time or two when I came really close to plugging back in to the matrix.

And still, I wouldn’t trade a single minute of it. Or of the life I had before this, for that matter. It was all part of the fabric that represents the life I have now, and changing one thread would change the whole thing.

To those of you who used to come to this blog for business advice, I’m sorry; I know it’s been a while since there was anything really business related here. I’ll be returning to more of that, now that some of the demons have been dealt with and I can think again. I’m even toying with the idea of setting up a separate RSS feed with only business related topics. If you’d like to see that, leave me a comment below and I’ll make sure it happens.

And to those of you who’ve been on the sidelines, reading all the bloody, messy, gritty posts and cheering me on toward the finish line, I can only offer my humblest, sincerest thanks. You may not be aware of it, but it’s all of you who’ve seen me safely to the other side. You’ve helped me answer the most powerful question I’ve ever asked myself in a way that has brought me back into myself, reconnected some pieces of me that have been disconnected for a long, long time, and given me the perspective that I needed to get to the next level of my personal evolution.

And just what is that magical question, you ask?

Stay tuned. I’ll write about it next. And soon…I promise. While you’re waiting, though, there’s something you can do to prepare for it. I want you to start looking around you and taking note of all the people who love you, all the people who think you’re special, all the people who put faith in you even when you don’t think you deserve it. I promise they are out there; you just have to start looking for them.

A friend reminded me the other day of the parable (variously attributed to Alexander the Great, Cortes and others) of the adventurer who, on landing on the shores of his destination, burned his ships to send a message to his men that there was no turning back.  She had recently had a “ship-burning” moment of her own and was at the same time ecstatic and nervous.

I had mine last Wednesday, and I know exactly what she’s talking about.

You see, setting the ships on fire is fun: you get to play with matches and lighter fluid, which is always a good time.  It’s only when you’re standing on the shore, watching the flames engulf every last scrap of wood, that you get the sinking, “Oh shit!” feeling in your stomach and begin to wonder if you did the right thing and whether you remembered to pay the insurance premium this month.

Don’t get me wrong; I know that burning the ships was the right thing to do.  If I hadn’t, I don’t think I’d ever have broken away from some of the things that have been holding me back.  I’m simply acknowledging the fear, owning it, staring it in its ugly face, getting ready to let it go.

A lot has changed in just a few short days, but the biggest change has been in me.  There’s an old Zen teaching that I love: “Before enlightenment, chopping wood, carrying water. After enlightenment, chopping wood, carrying water.”  I take it to mean for me that, while the things that need to be done remain the same (i.e. making a living, paying the bills, etc.), they’ll never be quite the same because I’m a different person than I was last week.

Here we go.  No more pretending; time to start showing up as me and doing what I need to do to fulfill my mission.  More on that in a future post; let it suffice to say for now that I’m more excited than I’ve ever been.

In the meantime, there’s something I want to say to you.

The reason for last week’s breakdown was simple: I’d been pretending and, as it turns out, you can only do that for so long before it catches up with you.  I know I’m not alone.  There are a lot of us pretending right now, pretending that we’re doing what we want to do and that everything is okay, while inside we’re dying a little every day.  Sound familiar?

So here’s what I want to say: it’s alright to stop pretending now.  In fact, it’s more than alright; if you want to start living, it’s a necessity.

Yes, it will be hard, and yes, it will upset the people in your life who would prefer that you keep pretending so as not to disturb their sleep.  You can’t change those things.  All you can change is you.

The good news is that once you stop pretending, life just gets better every day.  I’m only four days into my new life, and I can tell you without hesitation that I made the right choice.

The days are blurring together. Literally. I sometimes forget whether it’s Monday and I should be writing a proposal for a new computer network, or Saturday and I’m supposed to be recording a podcast and setting up someone’s blog, or Thursday and I should be at a networking mixer, or Tuesday and I should be on a conference call about an upcoming Intel Hybrid Cloud event.

Sometimes, I just want to stop.  It would feel really good, I think, to take a week off, sit in a chair on the beach, and catch up on some reading.  But then I remember: I love what I do, and I love my life.  I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

My friends and family (especially my family) keep telling me that I need to slow down.  I love the fact that they’re concerned about me; I really do.  The funny thing is that they come across like they think my life sucks.  I promise you though: it doesn’t.  I’m tired, I don’t really have much of a social life (unless you count the networking, which pretty much rocks if you live in Sacramento), I have two day jobs and a part-time business, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

Johnny B. Truant is right: suck is relative.  If you love what you do, even the shitty days are amazing.

Since I’m giving away free copies of my Motivation 101 audio program to anyone who signs up for the Motivation 101 newsletter, I decided to dust off a series of articles about the topic of motivation that I wrote for TLT Magazine around the time that the program was originally released.

Here’s the first article in the series; please let me know how asking “Why?” has helped you achieve your goals in the comments.  Thanks for reading!

When It Comes to Goals, Ask “Why?”, Not “How?”

If you’re like most selling professionals, you’ve probably got a list of written goals…somewhere.  Some of you have them tacked to the wall in front of your desk, others in your day planners or PDAs; some of you have them filed away in the bottom of a drawer and would have trouble finding them if asked.  Regardless of where you have your list of goals, though, you’ve already accomplished something major: you’ve engaged a powerful ally in your success by writing them down.

What ally?  The simple act of writing something down plants the seed of action in your unconscious mind, letting it know that this goal is something it should be working to achieve for you.  The unconscious mind is such an incredibly powerful machine, it will work twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, to accomplish the intention you’ve set for it.  Once engaged, it knows no limitations.

Oftentimes, though, the next thing we do in our goal-setting process disables this ally: we start to ask “How?”, as in “How am I going to do it?”  This question, while it seems logical, can be one of the most dis-empowering questions you can ask yourself.  Why?  Well, instead of focusing on the accomplishment of your goal, now you are focused on the details of getting it done.  If it’s a BHAG (Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal) we’re talking about, the “How?” can seem overwhelming.  You don’t know where to start and, as a result, you don’t start.

So what’s the answer?  Ask a better question.  Instead of asking “How?”, ask “Why?”, as in “Why do I want to accomplish this particular thing?”  ”Why?” is a much more powerful question for engaging the power of your unconscious mind because it has the power to create an emotional connection to the goal.  How does this work?

It’s simple, really.  Just sit down with your list of goals and pick the most compelling one, the one that gets you the most excited, then start asking yourself “Why do I want to accomplish this goal?”  Write down whatever answer comes to your mind.  Next, continue to ask yourself “Why?” until you get to an answer that starts with the phrase “…because it would make me feel…”

Next, rewrite your goal in the present tense and include your new “Why?” statement.  Spend some time every morning and every evening reviewing your newly written goals.  This addition of a compelling emotional component to your goals will engage the power of your unconscious mind to an incredible degree.  Once on board, this part of your mind will work non-stop, even while you’re sleeping, to move you closer to the accomplishment of your goals.

Asking “Why?” is only the first step in the process, though.  A future post will discuss the second step, the need to stay focused in order to succeed.

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If you’d like to learn more about how to stay motivated despite the tough economic situation facing the world, sign up for the Motivation 101 newsletter and receive your free copy of the “Motivation 101: Five Steps To Activate Your Potential In Any Economy” audio training program and workbook, no strings attached.  Click here for more details on this limited-time offer, and enjoy the program!

The biggest reward of using the “The Go-Giver” as one of our Bob Burg International Consultant coaching programs is that not only do I get to read the book, I get to devour it (while being mentored by the author), and then I’m priveleged to share it with others. There is true power in knowing your craft well enough to teach it to others.

In a short 30 minute chat with Jerry Kennedy on his Blog Whisperer Radio program it has solidified my belief that business as we’ve known it for the last two decades (more or less, your mileage may vary) is so antiquated that to continue “as it’s always been” is maybe the most deadly thing you can do to your business.

If your business has stagnated over the last 12 months, if it’s slowed down to “just getting by”, or if you have serious concerns if you’ll be in business 12 months from now you can cheer up! Pick up the book and follow along as we discover and APPLY these “Five Laws of Stratospheric Success”.

The first Law, The Law of Value states; “Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value that you take in payment”.

You may have heard the phrase giving value misused by the Internet Marketing gurus telling you to give away your “secret sauce” to entice your prospects to buy your product or service. This misses the mark in two ways. 1) As used in the book, giving does not mean giving away – as in free. It simply means to present something, in this case value. 2) value in this context means the relative worth or desirability of a thing to the end user. More to the point it’s about asking yourself the question; “What can I offer that will set me apart – and I mean WAAAAY apart – from my competition and will allow people to want me as the person they choose to do business with?

The answer starts to become apparent in a great blog post by Bob Burg. It says, “…while there are most likely thousands of ways to provide value, they tend to fall under five categories: Excellence, Consistency, Attention, Empathy and Appreciation.”

Near and dear to my heart is appreciation. This is one of the things that cost little or nothing and leaves a lasting impression. Say please and thank you (and mean it). Send Nice to meet you notes – not emails – in a greeting card in your own handwriting. Remember birthdays and, you guessed, it send a card that says Happy Birthday! (If you don’t have a simple and easy-to-use system to do this automatically email me and I’ll share my fun and inexpensive way to do it with you.)

Now that you know that there are five categories that value tends to fall under, how can you take that and apply it to your product and service? Leave your comments in the feedback below. I’d love to here them!

Here’s a good place to mention one of the most important keys to making this law work, and it may be a deal breaker if you can’t commit to it, it’s that you have to give without any emotional attachment to the outcome. Now I know that’s going to sound really wacky to you but that’s how it works… because there is an outcome every time.

Tune in next time for Law #2 “The Law of Compensation”.