Last week was another one of those “learning” weeks.

It all started on Wednesday when my BFF Carolyn posted the video for Nickleback’s song “If Today Was Your Last Day” on Facebook.  I’m not a huge Nickleback fan, but I love the message of this song.  My favorite line: “Against the grain should be a way of life. What’s worth the prize is always worth the fight.”  After all of the discoveries from the past few weeks, you’d think I’d be used to this by now, but hearing this song stopped me in my tracks and reminded me just how fragile life is and how I shouldn’t be wasting any time doing things I don’t really care about.

Then came the hard lesson: on Friday morning, I learned that a kid I had known out in Calaveras County, and who I’d spent some time mentoring when I lived there, had died in a car accident the day before.

Holy. Shit.

He was only 20…newly married…his whole life ahead of him.  And gone.  Just like that.  His Facebook page is still up…his friends have been leaving messages and tagging pictures.  Welcome to mourning in the digital age.  I keep going back and reading the new posts and thinking over and over about the delicate thread we hang on by.

And then I read this post by Johnny B. Truant, where he basically drove the point home in a way that only Johnny B. can: with a 2×4 to the back of the head.  He basically said, although much more eloquently, that if you’re planning on doing great things in your life, what the hell are you waiting for?  If you’re not doing it now, when do you plan on starting?

And you know what?  I think I’m finally starting to get it…

If you’re waiting to say “I love you” until “the time is right”, stop waiting.  Say it now.  You might not get another chance.

If you’re waiting to start  that business of your dreams until you have more time, stop stalling.  Be about it.  Now would be good.

If you’ve been thinking of changing careers to one you’ll actually enjoy, stop thinking.  Take the first step.  Now.

At the end of the day, now is all you’ve got.  Use it wisely.

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In loving memory of Ryan Vlavianos, 1991-2001.  You will be missed by all of us who knew and loved you.

Yesterday I promised to reveal the question that has transformed my life and taken me from playing small to playing larger than I ever have, from showing up as the janitor to embracing my inner rock star and finally, finally starting to live on purpose. But before I do, let me tell you a little about the events leading up to this discovery and how taking some of these steps can help you to finally quiet those voices in your head that keep telling you that you’re not good enough.

I’d been up visiting family in Oregon for my niece’s graduation. On the way home, we decided to stop overnight in the little town where I grew up, Cave Junction, Oregon (go ahead, Google it…you’ll be stunned). We spent Sunday night at my uncle’s house, and Monday morning we decided to putter around town for a few hours before heading back home to Sacramento.

It had been a long, long time, like a couple of decades, since I’d spent any significant time in CJ (that’s what we locals call it). I’d been back in my adult life for three occassions: the funerals of my grandparents, the funeral of my cousin, Steven, and the wedding of my niece, Kristy. Each of those trips had been accomplished, round trip from Sacramento, in a single day. Meaning in and out, no time for sight-seeing. This time was different; no one was in a hurry, and we just wandered around a bit.

And then it happened: I said I wanted to go to my old elementary school and take a picture and, as soon as I set foot on that hallowed ground, I started shaking and getting choked up, then crying. It made no sense. There I was, a grown man, standing in front of this timy little school and weeping. Ummm…WTF?

My brother Kevin had jumped out of the car with me and he suggested that we take a walk around the school grounds and see what happened. As I was walking through the halls and out on the playground, I felt like I was wrestling with a ghost. I heard all the voices of all the kids calling me “nerd” and “four-eyes” and making fun of my hand-me-down clothes. I remembered what it felt like to never quite fit in because I’d been moved up from first to second grade in the first few weeks of school because I could already read at fourth-grade level.

And it hit me: this is exactly where I learned to feel “less than”. To feel inferior. To not like myself. It was a scene that would be repeated throughout my school days, right up until I decided in high school that I’d rather be liked than be smart, and started to pretend so that I could fit in.

In that moment, a lot of questions got answered. Like why I’ve been sabotaging myself for so long. Like why I seem to be determined to prove my negative, self-destructive beliefs right by behaving in a way that supports them. Like why I’ve been acting like…well…like a big weenie for so long.

The drive home was intense. I sat quietly, staring out the window. I think my folks thought that maybe I’d had some kind of psychoyic episode or break with reality. But I was just thinking. Thinking of all the ways that I’d been letting a bunch of second-graders hold me back in my life. Thinking of all the times I’d let their voices win the debate. And realizing that it was finally all over, that I was done with it, that I’d left that ghost back on that playground.

It was a couple of days later and a few tons of emotional baggage lighter when I first discovered the most powerful question question. I’d just finished a conversation with a close friend, someone who’d proved to me the meaning of friendship and stuck by me through some pretty dark days.

As I hung up the phone, I asked myself, “Now, would someone as amazing as that really want to be my friend and stand by me through times like this if I’m really the piece of shit I try to convince myself I am?”

I was literally shocked into silence. Even the chatter in my brain stopped for a full beat as I processed the question. So I asked it again, this time demanding an answer from myself. Silence still. I had no answer, other than the obvious one. So I didn’t stop; I kept asking. “And what about _____? Would he like you if you were such a wretched human being? And _______? Would she always call to check in on you if you were all that bad?”

And so for the last ten days I’ve been playing this game; every time someone demonstrates friendship or kindness toward me, I ask myself, “Now would they have done that if you’re really the bottom-feeder you think you are?”

And, of course, the answer is always the same: no. I must not be, because I really respect that person, and I don’t want to make them wrong just so I can be right. Now, more than ever, I want to earn their belief in me by letting myself show up as the rock star they think I am.

So here’s what I want you to do: if you did your homework yesterday, you should have a list of people who really dig you. It might not be a long list to start with; hell, mine only had one name on it at the beginning. It will get longer as you start to pay attention. Got your list? Start asking yourself the question: “If I’m really the piece of shit I believe myself to be, would ________ really like me and want to be my friend?”

And here’s the tricky bit: when you start to doubt yourself and beat yourself up and act like a weenie, you have to stop and ask yourself the question. And answer it honestly. And start to pay attention to all the people who love you and believe in you. Trust me, it’s way more fun and, in the end, far more satisfying.

So now that you know the secret, how will you use the most powerful question in the universe? Be sure to share your strategies and successes in the comment section below, and thanks for reading!

A friend reminded me the other day of the parable (variously attributed to Alexander the Great, Cortes and others) of the adventurer who, on landing on the shores of his destination, burned his ships to send a message to his men that there was no turning back.  She had recently had a “ship-burning” moment of her own and was at the same time ecstatic and nervous.

I had mine last Wednesday, and I know exactly what she’s talking about.

You see, setting the ships on fire is fun: you get to play with matches and lighter fluid, which is always a good time.  It’s only when you’re standing on the shore, watching the flames engulf every last scrap of wood, that you get the sinking, “Oh shit!” feeling in your stomach and begin to wonder if you did the right thing and whether you remembered to pay the insurance premium this month.

Don’t get me wrong; I know that burning the ships was the right thing to do.  If I hadn’t, I don’t think I’d ever have broken away from some of the things that have been holding me back.  I’m simply acknowledging the fear, owning it, staring it in its ugly face, getting ready to let it go.

A lot has changed in just a few short days, but the biggest change has been in me.  There’s an old Zen teaching that I love: “Before enlightenment, chopping wood, carrying water. After enlightenment, chopping wood, carrying water.”  I take it to mean for me that, while the things that need to be done remain the same (i.e. making a living, paying the bills, etc.), they’ll never be quite the same because I’m a different person than I was last week.

Here we go.  No more pretending; time to start showing up as me and doing what I need to do to fulfill my mission.  More on that in a future post; let it suffice to say for now that I’m more excited than I’ve ever been.

In the meantime, there’s something I want to say to you.

The reason for last week’s breakdown was simple: I’d been pretending and, as it turns out, you can only do that for so long before it catches up with you.  I know I’m not alone.  There are a lot of us pretending right now, pretending that we’re doing what we want to do and that everything is okay, while inside we’re dying a little every day.  Sound familiar?

So here’s what I want to say: it’s alright to stop pretending now.  In fact, it’s more than alright; if you want to start living, it’s a necessity.

Yes, it will be hard, and yes, it will upset the people in your life who would prefer that you keep pretending so as not to disturb their sleep.  You can’t change those things.  All you can change is you.

The good news is that once you stop pretending, life just gets better every day.  I’m only four days into my new life, and I can tell you without hesitation that I made the right choice.

Since I’m giving away free copies of my Motivation 101 audio program to anyone who signs up for the Motivation 101 newsletter, I decided to dust off a series of articles about the topic of motivation that I wrote for TLT Magazine around the time that the program was originally released.

Here’s the first article in the series; please let me know how asking “Why?” has helped you achieve your goals in the comments.  Thanks for reading!

When It Comes to Goals, Ask “Why?”, Not “How?”

If you’re like most selling professionals, you’ve probably got a list of written goals…somewhere.  Some of you have them tacked to the wall in front of your desk, others in your day planners or PDAs; some of you have them filed away in the bottom of a drawer and would have trouble finding them if asked.  Regardless of where you have your list of goals, though, you’ve already accomplished something major: you’ve engaged a powerful ally in your success by writing them down.

What ally?  The simple act of writing something down plants the seed of action in your unconscious mind, letting it know that this goal is something it should be working to achieve for you.  The unconscious mind is such an incredibly powerful machine, it will work twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, to accomplish the intention you’ve set for it.  Once engaged, it knows no limitations.

Oftentimes, though, the next thing we do in our goal-setting process disables this ally: we start to ask “How?”, as in “How am I going to do it?”  This question, while it seems logical, can be one of the most dis-empowering questions you can ask yourself.  Why?  Well, instead of focusing on the accomplishment of your goal, now you are focused on the details of getting it done.  If it’s a BHAG (Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal) we’re talking about, the “How?” can seem overwhelming.  You don’t know where to start and, as a result, you don’t start.

So what’s the answer?  Ask a better question.  Instead of asking “How?”, ask “Why?”, as in “Why do I want to accomplish this particular thing?”  ”Why?” is a much more powerful question for engaging the power of your unconscious mind because it has the power to create an emotional connection to the goal.  How does this work?

It’s simple, really.  Just sit down with your list of goals and pick the most compelling one, the one that gets you the most excited, then start asking yourself “Why do I want to accomplish this goal?”  Write down whatever answer comes to your mind.  Next, continue to ask yourself “Why?” until you get to an answer that starts with the phrase “…because it would make me feel…”

Next, rewrite your goal in the present tense and include your new “Why?” statement.  Spend some time every morning and every evening reviewing your newly written goals.  This addition of a compelling emotional component to your goals will engage the power of your unconscious mind to an incredible degree.  Once on board, this part of your mind will work non-stop, even while you’re sleeping, to move you closer to the accomplishment of your goals.

Asking “Why?” is only the first step in the process, though.  A future post will discuss the second step, the need to stay focused in order to succeed.

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If you’d like to learn more about how to stay motivated despite the tough economic situation facing the world, sign up for the Motivation 101 newsletter and receive your free copy of the “Motivation 101: Five Steps To Activate Your Potential In Any Economy” audio training program and workbook, no strings attached.  Click here for more details on this limited-time offer, and enjoy the program!

For weeks now, all I’ve been hearing is people talking about how they can’t wait for 2010 to be over and a brand new year to begin.  In fact, I joined in that chorus a time or two.  No doubt, 2010 was a rough year.

But it’s over now.

We’re officially three days in to 2011, and from the looks of things, it has the potential to be a truly amazing year.  Personally, I’m excited to be kicking things off in style with the International Consumer Electronics Show this week in Las Vegas, NV.  This will be my first CES, and I can’t wait to get there.

It also rocks because I’ll be making the trip to Vegas with my friend and fellow blogger, Ryan Snethen.  Ryan is a very cool cat who knows his music and movies, and the more obscure, the better.  His “Did You Miss It?” blog is chock-full of movies you might have missed.  He’s also a writer and an entrepreneur.  We’re making the 10-hour trip by car, so we’ll have lots of time to brainstorm new ideas.  Can’t wait!

Which brings up the topic of road trips.  A couple of recent road trips reminded me of two things: a) I love taking road trips and b) I don’t take enough of them.  I’m changing that this year; more road trips are a must.

Johnny B. Truant also got me thinking today, which is a bad habit of his.  He wrote a post called “Resolutions Suck. Try Anarchy.” that got me thinking all about WHY I want to do the things I want to do, and whether they’re really worthy goals, and whether I’m up to the challenge of seeing them through.  Great stuff.  If you’re not reading Johnny’s blog, start now…even if the posts are a little longish.

2011 has the potential to be a kick-ass year, no doubt about it.  But we can’t assume that it’s going to magically turn out that way just because the calendar rolled over and 2010 is finished.

You’re going to have to put forth some effort if you want to see those results; in fact, truth be told you should have been putting out that effort for awhile now.  But don’t despair if you haven’t already started: just get your ass in gear and figure out what you want to do and, more importantly, WHY you want to do it.  Then (and here’s the really tricky part) go do it! Don’t wait for someone to give you permission or for the circumstances to be just right; they won’t.  Not ever.

Remember one thing: the only moment you really own is this one, right now.  If you let it slip by, it belongs to the past, not you.  And the ones coming up? Those belong to the future, not you.  You get this one.  Use it wisely.

So tell me: what are YOU going to do in 2011 to make it your best year ever?  Share your vision in the comments, and thanks for reading!

Gary Klaben

Today, there is a strong pull between the profit maximizers and the purpose maximizers.  It is not that working on Wall Street or Main Street for large companies is all about profit maximization, or that starting a small business is all about purpose maximization.  It is about the tide turning towards purpose, while maintaining profit.

In Daniel Pink’s recent book, Drive (2010), he identifies and discusses three types of motivation.  Motivation 1.0 is the basic need to survive.  Our hunter-gatherer ancestors spent nearly all their time fulfilling this need.  Motivation 2.0 involves seeking rewards and avoiding punishment.  From the time of antiquity through the 20th century, this was the primary motivator after achieving survival.  Finally, motivation 3.0 seeks internal, intrinsic satisfaction — the fruit of personal freedom, challenge and purpose. What we like to call MVP (meaning, value & purpose).

Ours is a motivation 3.0 world.  The unexpected and unpredictable will increasingly occur.  Change is the only constant.  Continual surprises!  Microsoft’s digital Encarta encyclopedia — a profit maximizer — lost out to tens of thousands of online hobbyists writing and editing topics in Wikipedia’s open-source, interactive encyclopedia without pay — a purpose maximizer.

Surprise!  Wikipedia — now the world’s most popular encyclopedia, with 13 million articles in 260 languages — maxes out on personal motivation, massive value and combined purpose.  How many other industries today are likely candidates for Internet “re-purposing”?

We are at a very important crossroads in history.  Both the developed and developing worlds have a unique opportunity to transition to what makes all of us tick: what is inside of us, who we are, what we dream to be,  what is most important to us, how we want to be remembered.

Before you consider a career upon completing school, before you pursue a new job, before you give up on the unemployment line, consider the current environment.  Literally every citizen in this, the world’s freest country, can start any business with an iPhone or a BlackBerry and a laptop.  Barriers to entry have never been so favorable to the small business owner.

Are you intrinsically energized to achieve your MVP?  Then you stand on the threshold of a most interesting, exciting future.

Mahatma Gandhi said, “As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world, as in being able to remake ourselves.”

Eleanor Roosevelt was quoted, “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

Carthaginian general Hannibal:  “We will either find a way, or make one!”

Yoda (from Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back):  “Do or do not.  There is no try.”

But success doesn’t come easy and, at the end of any given day, you may not be able to control each outcome.  Certain folks, for various reasons, will always resist change:  Therefore, we need as much enlightenment as possible to guide all of us intelligently and creatively into a bright future.

I’m frequently reminded of Yogi Berra’s admonition:  “If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up some place else.”

About the Author

Through a series of chapter “conversations” about client dysfunctions and challenges encountered over 25 years, author and financial advisor, Gary Klaben, seeks to stimulate a new kind of conversation. Time and time again, people have watched helplessly as the family wealth-destruction cycle has gone from “shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves” in three generations. His book, Changing the Conversation, seeks to empower readers to begin a journey of self-discovery in order to become masters of money, not slaves to it.

I’m a little late getting to today’s post.  As far as I’m concerned, though, it’s still Friday.  But, since it’s 2 AM as I write this, I’m going to keep this one short.

Back at the beginning of October, I read this on Seth Godin’s blog:

Scarcity creates value.

Those three words got me thinking: what is the most scarce commodity that anyone could market?  If you want to know the answer, get up and go have a look in the mirror.  There’s only one you, and you should be marketing the hell out of it.

I’ve been spending a fair amount of time lately preparing for the re-boot of the game I call MyLife, and I’m crazy-excited about the release of version 2.0.  For the non-geeks out there, that basically means I’m getting ready for a fresh start.

For those of you who weren’t there to see it, here’s the short version of the last three years of my life: they sucked.out.loud.  From financial ruin to broken relationships to a roller-coaster ride of emotional turmoil, I’ve been a complete wreck.  Don’t worry, though: I can say with total confidence that the dog days are over.

The  last year has been a re-building period for me.  In December of 2009, I started working full-time for Karl Palachuk who is, without a doubt, the best boss I’ve ever had.  I sometimes even forget that he’s the boss (except on payday, of course…I always remember it then) because he’s such a blast to work with.  That’s right: we have FUN at work.  It’s part of the culture, and I love every minute of it.  And we’re good at what we do, which makes it even more fun…and profitable, too.

The training business I tried (and failed miserably) to start has morphed into a blog building and mentoring business that I work on nights and weekends.  Simply put, I love it.  I have a blast, I love my clients, and I’m good at what I do.  I’m picking up new clients every week, and, so far, they’re thrilled with the results.  2011 is going to see the explosion of that business, too.

This year saw the closure of some things, too.  After a year of separation and serious deliberation, my marriage of 16 years is coming to an end.  As strange as it might sound, Renee is still and always will be my best friend; we’ve just come to the conclusion that we’ll have a greater opportunity for happiness as friends than we did as a married couple.

I don’t expect everyone I know to understand that; many of the people closest to me have already made it clear that they don’t.  That’s okay; we’re going to do it anyway.  Of course there’s sadness over the decision; that’s to be expected.  But there’s no drama; just a deep sense that we’re making the right decision.

At the same time, my emotional and spiritual growth has been amazing this year.  I’ve got a long way to go of course; that’s a life-long journey, I know.  Still, the progress I’ve made astounds me.  I feel happy all the time and, for the first time in my life, I feel at peace with myself and the world around me.

The future is…well, it’s the future, so I won’t know what it is until it’s here.  At the moment, though, I fully expect it to be incredible.  And even if it turns out that the bright light at the end of the tunnel is just a freight train headed my way, I know that I’ll get up, dust myself off, and keep on going, all the while humming a happy tune.

There really isn’t any other option, is there?

Carl Taylor, Entrepreneur and Author

There are a lot of websites and speakers that are trying to motivate you. They motivate you to take action, to get off your ass and achieve more. But if you’re an idiot and someone motivates you, you are now just a motivated idiot, and you are going to do idiotic things faster.

Motivated idiots are those people who go to their first property seminar, hear a sales pitch disguised as education that says you must invest right now in this off the plan unit block, immediately sign on the dotted line and a few years later wonder why they don’t have the returns they expected.

I’m not meaning to have a go at seminar selling, or even property seminars; they are viable business methods and have their place.  What you should be focusing on is “their first” as in it was their first seminar. The presenter did a great job and got them motivated, but at this stage they were just a motivated idiot and they made an idiotic decision because they didn’t know what questions to ask.

No need to be alarmed as there is a cure… a 3 step process that you can use to avoid being a Motivated Idiot.

Step 1. Get Educated

Step 2. GET Educated

Step 3. GET EDUCATED

Education is the key…and I’m not talking typical education that you go to school or university for years and years to get. I’m talking about practical how-to steps and specific experiences – the kind of knowledge that you get from having been there and done that, from mentors and friends, the kind of knowledge that is shared in non-fiction books and videos and at educational seminars.

The better educated you are on a subject, the better the questions you can ask, which in turn will help you make better decisions.

So get out there and educate yourself, pick a topic and start absorbing information through books, mentors, seminars and so forth…then you will know that you are not a motivated idiot.

Here’s to YOUR Success.

Carl Taylor is the author of Red Means Go! - Secrets to Achieving a Happy, Effective and Successful Life with You in the Driver’s Seat, which is now available on iTunes!  Get TWO free chapters from www.carltaylor.com.au

Great: they asked me to write a bio for a new collaboration project I’m working on. I hate writing bios. No matter how hard I try, they always come out sounding plastic and fake and manufactured. So instead of writing a bio, I just wrote a bunch of stuff about me.  I know that sounds like a bio, but it’s not.  In fact, you could call it my Un-Bio.

And since I’ve been railing on in the last several posts about sharing who you are and what you believe in and why you do what you do, I decided to post my Un-Bio here, too.  Let me know what you think.  Or, better still, share your Un-Bio (or a link to it) in the comments.

1. I’m pretty opinionated. I don’t think that’s a bad thing; in fact, I embrace it. Really. I even include it in my bio sometimes, usually preceded by the word “outrageously”. And if you don’t believe me, just ask my friends what I think of James Cameron’s “movies”, or anyone who’s ever met me what I think of Bob Dylan’s “music” (I don’t know how, but it always seems to come up in conversation…genius my ass).

2. I love ideas. I think ideas are what make life fun. I love having ideas, and I love sharing them even more (see #1). I love hearing other people’s ideas, too, especially the brilliant ones. I love it when my ideas have sex with other people’s ideas (you can blame Matt Ridley for giving me that phrase to play with), and my ideas are pretty promiscuous. They also refuse to practice safe sex, so don’t be surprised if our ideas get together, have loads of idea sex, and spawn lots of tiny new baby ideas.

3. I sing karaoke every chance I get, which actually isn’t all that often. That’s probably a good thing, since I don’t really sing that well. I also play golf every chance I get, which is even less often than karaoke, so what I actually do is less like golf and more like drinking beer and swearing at my clubs.

4. I love pop music. Get over it. I don’t care if you think it’s lame or if you believe the people who make it are sell-outs. Feel free to listen to your indie/emo/techno/screamo/trip-hop/whateverthehell noise in your basement with your friends, and leave the radio airwaves free for more Lady Gaga and Kelly Clarkson and Bob Marley and Muse (even the stuff they did for Twilight) and Metallica. The rest of us like it.

5. If I’m putting it in my mouth, it had better taste good. No “challenging” food flavors for me (seriously…unagi is not food: it’s chum). The same goes for beer. Keep it simple: cold, refreshing, and tasty, NOT warm, thick and bitter. Ever. Thanks.

6. I believe that knowledge is power, and I believe that every human being on the planet has not only the right but the responsibility to improve his or her mind through the acquisition of knowledge. I believe people should read more, and by people I mean you. I don’t care if you like it or not; reading is the BEST way to add to your knowledge. Learn to love it, or clear the way for those who do.

7. I love technology. Let me rephrase that: I’m a nerd. I geek out over cool new gadgets and toys, with one glaring exception: I have no love for Apple. Sorry…I just don’t get it. And I’m not interested in hearing why I should, either; I’m totally OK with my Blackberry. Save your rant for someone else, have another sip of the Kool-Aid, and get back to figuring out how to hold your iPhone so that you can make a call.

8. I don’t want followers. Followers freak me out. I trust you to make your own decisions with or without me. I want friends, peers, cohorts, and partners in creation. I want to be surrounded by people to share ideas with (see #2), people who give as much (or more) than they take. Please don’t just read my stuff; respond to it. If you disagree, say so. If you agree, add to the discussion. And if you don’t tell me about it, tell someone else. The world needs more conversation!

Now, wasn’t that better than a bio?  I’m looking forward to reading yours!