Last week was another one of those “learning” weeks.

It all started on Wednesday when my BFF Carolyn posted the video for Nickleback’s song “If Today Was Your Last Day” on Facebook.  I’m not a huge Nickleback fan, but I love the message of this song.  My favorite line: “Against the grain should be a way of life. What’s worth the prize is always worth the fight.”  After all of the discoveries from the past few weeks, you’d think I’d be used to this by now, but hearing this song stopped me in my tracks and reminded me just how fragile life is and how I shouldn’t be wasting any time doing things I don’t really care about.

Then came the hard lesson: on Friday morning, I learned that a kid I had known out in Calaveras County, and who I’d spent some time mentoring when I lived there, had died in a car accident the day before.

Holy. Shit.

He was only 20…newly married…his whole life ahead of him.  And gone.  Just like that.  His Facebook page is still up…his friends have been leaving messages and tagging pictures.  Welcome to mourning in the digital age.  I keep going back and reading the new posts and thinking over and over about the delicate thread we hang on by.

And then I read this post by Johnny B. Truant, where he basically drove the point home in a way that only Johnny B. can: with a 2×4 to the back of the head.  He basically said, although much more eloquently, that if you’re planning on doing great things in your life, what the hell are you waiting for?  If you’re not doing it now, when do you plan on starting?

And you know what?  I think I’m finally starting to get it…

If you’re waiting to say “I love you” until “the time is right”, stop waiting.  Say it now.  You might not get another chance.

If you’re waiting to start  that business of your dreams until you have more time, stop stalling.  Be about it.  Now would be good.

If you’ve been thinking of changing careers to one you’ll actually enjoy, stop thinking.  Take the first step.  Now.

At the end of the day, now is all you’ve got.  Use it wisely.

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In loving memory of Ryan Vlavianos, 1991-2001.  You will be missed by all of us who knew and loved you.

Yesterday I promised to reveal the question that has transformed my life and taken me from playing small to playing larger than I ever have, from showing up as the janitor to embracing my inner rock star and finally, finally starting to live on purpose. But before I do, let me tell you a little about the events leading up to this discovery and how taking some of these steps can help you to finally quiet those voices in your head that keep telling you that you’re not good enough.

I’d been up visiting family in Oregon for my niece’s graduation. On the way home, we decided to stop overnight in the little town where I grew up, Cave Junction, Oregon (go ahead, Google it…you’ll be stunned). We spent Sunday night at my uncle’s house, and Monday morning we decided to putter around town for a few hours before heading back home to Sacramento.

It had been a long, long time, like a couple of decades, since I’d spent any significant time in CJ (that’s what we locals call it). I’d been back in my adult life for three occassions: the funerals of my grandparents, the funeral of my cousin, Steven, and the wedding of my niece, Kristy. Each of those trips had been accomplished, round trip from Sacramento, in a single day. Meaning in and out, no time for sight-seeing. This time was different; no one was in a hurry, and we just wandered around a bit.

And then it happened: I said I wanted to go to my old elementary school and take a picture and, as soon as I set foot on that hallowed ground, I started shaking and getting choked up, then crying. It made no sense. There I was, a grown man, standing in front of this timy little school and weeping. Ummm…WTF?

My brother Kevin had jumped out of the car with me and he suggested that we take a walk around the school grounds and see what happened. As I was walking through the halls and out on the playground, I felt like I was wrestling with a ghost. I heard all the voices of all the kids calling me “nerd” and “four-eyes” and making fun of my hand-me-down clothes. I remembered what it felt like to never quite fit in because I’d been moved up from first to second grade in the first few weeks of school because I could already read at fourth-grade level.

And it hit me: this is exactly where I learned to feel “less than”. To feel inferior. To not like myself. It was a scene that would be repeated throughout my school days, right up until I decided in high school that I’d rather be liked than be smart, and started to pretend so that I could fit in.

In that moment, a lot of questions got answered. Like why I’ve been sabotaging myself for so long. Like why I seem to be determined to prove my negative, self-destructive beliefs right by behaving in a way that supports them. Like why I’ve been acting like…well…like a big weenie for so long.

The drive home was intense. I sat quietly, staring out the window. I think my folks thought that maybe I’d had some kind of psychoyic episode or break with reality. But I was just thinking. Thinking of all the ways that I’d been letting a bunch of second-graders hold me back in my life. Thinking of all the times I’d let their voices win the debate. And realizing that it was finally all over, that I was done with it, that I’d left that ghost back on that playground.

It was a couple of days later and a few tons of emotional baggage lighter when I first discovered the most powerful question question. I’d just finished a conversation with a close friend, someone who’d proved to me the meaning of friendship and stuck by me through some pretty dark days.

As I hung up the phone, I asked myself, “Now, would someone as amazing as that really want to be my friend and stand by me through times like this if I’m really the piece of shit I try to convince myself I am?”

I was literally shocked into silence. Even the chatter in my brain stopped for a full beat as I processed the question. So I asked it again, this time demanding an answer from myself. Silence still. I had no answer, other than the obvious one. So I didn’t stop; I kept asking. “And what about _____? Would he like you if you were such a wretched human being? And _______? Would she always call to check in on you if you were all that bad?”

And so for the last ten days I’ve been playing this game; every time someone demonstrates friendship or kindness toward me, I ask myself, “Now would they have done that if you’re really the bottom-feeder you think you are?”

And, of course, the answer is always the same: no. I must not be, because I really respect that person, and I don’t want to make them wrong just so I can be right. Now, more than ever, I want to earn their belief in me by letting myself show up as the rock star they think I am.

So here’s what I want you to do: if you did your homework yesterday, you should have a list of people who really dig you. It might not be a long list to start with; hell, mine only had one name on it at the beginning. It will get longer as you start to pay attention. Got your list? Start asking yourself the question: “If I’m really the piece of shit I believe myself to be, would ________ really like me and want to be my friend?”

And here’s the tricky bit: when you start to doubt yourself and beat yourself up and act like a weenie, you have to stop and ask yourself the question. And answer it honestly. And start to pay attention to all the people who love you and believe in you. Trust me, it’s way more fun and, in the end, far more satisfying.

So now that you know the secret, how will you use the most powerful question in the universe? Be sure to share your strategies and successes in the comment section below, and thanks for reading!

The biggest reward of using the “The Go-Giver” as one of our Bob Burg International Consultant coaching programs is that not only do I get to read the book, I get to devour it (while being mentored by the author), and then I’m priveleged to share it with others. There is true power in knowing your craft well enough to teach it to others.

In a short 30 minute chat with Jerry Kennedy on his Blog Whisperer Radio program it has solidified my belief that business as we’ve known it for the last two decades (more or less, your mileage may vary) is so antiquated that to continue “as it’s always been” is maybe the most deadly thing you can do to your business.

If your business has stagnated over the last 12 months, if it’s slowed down to “just getting by”, or if you have serious concerns if you’ll be in business 12 months from now you can cheer up! Pick up the book and follow along as we discover and APPLY these “Five Laws of Stratospheric Success”.

The first Law, The Law of Value states; “Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value that you take in payment”.

You may have heard the phrase giving value misused by the Internet Marketing gurus telling you to give away your “secret sauce” to entice your prospects to buy your product or service. This misses the mark in two ways. 1) As used in the book, giving does not mean giving away – as in free. It simply means to present something, in this case value. 2) value in this context means the relative worth or desirability of a thing to the end user. More to the point it’s about asking yourself the question; “What can I offer that will set me apart – and I mean WAAAAY apart – from my competition and will allow people to want me as the person they choose to do business with?

The answer starts to become apparent in a great blog post by Bob Burg. It says, “…while there are most likely thousands of ways to provide value, they tend to fall under five categories: Excellence, Consistency, Attention, Empathy and Appreciation.”

Near and dear to my heart is appreciation. This is one of the things that cost little or nothing and leaves a lasting impression. Say please and thank you (and mean it). Send Nice to meet you notes – not emails – in a greeting card in your own handwriting. Remember birthdays and, you guessed, it send a card that says Happy Birthday! (If you don’t have a simple and easy-to-use system to do this automatically email me and I’ll share my fun and inexpensive way to do it with you.)

Now that you know that there are five categories that value tends to fall under, how can you take that and apply it to your product and service? Leave your comments in the feedback below. I’d love to here them!

Here’s a good place to mention one of the most important keys to making this law work, and it may be a deal breaker if you can’t commit to it, it’s that you have to give without any emotional attachment to the outcome. Now I know that’s going to sound really wacky to you but that’s how it works… because there is an outcome every time.

Tune in next time for Law #2 “The Law of Compensation”.

This is one of my favorite moments from a Monty Python movie, and the life lesson it teaches is the core of my philosophy: you can always, no matter what your circumstances, choose to look on the bright side.

I was talking to a friend of mine whose wife is waiting for a liver transplant.  In addition, she’s just found out she has cataracts and will have to have surgery on her eyes before she gets the transplant.  I try to imagine myself in those circumstances; when I do, I’m incredibly thankful for my health and for the health of my loved ones.  I’m thankful that, at least for today, I feel pretty good.

Life’s a funny thing; it can turn on a dime.  Don’t take the blessings in your life for granted, since they might not be there tomorrow.  Take a few minutes today to actually tally up all the things you have to be grateful for.  Write them down, and carry that paper with you.

Then, whenever you get to feeling that things aren’t going your way, you can pull that paper out and remind yourself that, on the whole, life is pretty amazing.

I’ve come up with a new name for the affliction in my brain; from here forward, I will refer to myself (and those like me) as stupidly optimistic.  ”Stupidly optimistic” describes the condition of being excited about the future with no tangible evidence that it will be any better than today.  That’s me: stupidly optimistic, almost to a fault.

I firmly believe that optimism is a key characteristic of those who succeed in life, but I’m beginning to think it may not be enough to be just plain optimistic; I think you may have to be stupidly optimistic, to push on in full expectation of a better tomorrow in spite of strong evidence to the contrary.  The stupidly optimistic are the ones who never surrender; they find a way to keep moving forward when everyone else has given up.  They meet defeat often, but they’re too dumb to give up.  I admire people like that, and I hope to be counted among them at the end of my days.

I’ve managed to surround myself with some pretty amazing people over the past couple of years, particularly during the last six months, and I would describe every one of them as stupidly optimistic.  It seems that I have little patience anymore for people who are ready to throw in the towel and give up on their dreams, and I spend less and less time with them, even the ones I was close to once.  I like spending time with people who dream big and act boldly.  I like risk-takers and fringe-dwellers, and even the occasional ne’er-do-well.  The rebels are my tribe.

At the end of the day, the only thing that’s going to get you out of bed tomorrow is your faith.  If any of us were to stop and consider the reality of our situation, we wouldn’t bother.  And in that way, I guess, everyone who makes the effort to get up tomorrow is an optimist; that’s a great start, and we can build on that foundation.

I’ll defer to the wisdom of Bob Marley: “Don’t you worry about a thing, ‘cuz every little thing is gonna be alright.”  Ultimately, we all know that statement to be true.  No matter what happens in our life situation, we’re going to be alright.  If we didn’t believe that, we’d be doomed to fail.  Most of the “problems” that we face aren’t matters of life or death, even though that’s how we treat them sometimes.  In fact, most of our problems are matters of convenience or luxury.  Those who really know what it means to struggle don’t have the means to read this blog post; if you do, you’re among the fortunate few who have the means to create a better tomorrow.

So when you read this, embrace your good fortune and choose to greet each new day with a clean slate, forgetting the trials of yesterday, seeking out the good that today holds and stretching out to grasp a better tomorrow.

Be stupidly optimistic; it’s the only way to fly.

“I will laugh at the world.” - from The Scroll Marked VII, The Greatest Salesman In the World by Og Mandino

Is there any ailment in the world that a good laugh won’t cure? I don’t think so. I mean, the jury’s still out on whether Norman Cousins actually healed himself by watching Marx Brothers movies, but I’ll tell you one thing for certain: he sure felt better!

And that’s all that really matters, isn’t it? I know that when things are going great and I’m happy, I can be sick as a dog and it doesn’t phase me. I to recover a lot faster from any illnesses, if I get them at all. On the other hand, whenever I’m feeling down or depressed, the slightest cold can put me down for days.

Once again, we find that it’s all a matter of our perception of our situation and our chosen reaction to it. We can choose to be in a depressing slump or we can do something about it: laugh! Have you ever been in a situation where things were so bad, so depressing, that you didn’t know if you could endure any more, then caught a case of the giggles? How did it make you feel? At first it’s a little disturbing and you question whether you’ve lost your mind, then you start to feel a little better. The giggle turns into a hearty belly laugh and, before you know it, you’re wondering what you were so worried about!

It’s been said that tragedy plus time equals comedy, so why not shortcut the system? If you can see that you’re probably going to look back on a bad situation and laugh, why wait? Why not “laugh at the world” now? Mandino teaches four magical words that make this easy to do: this too shall pass. If you can always remember that, no matter what’s happening for you right now it will eventually pass, you can survive almost anything.

And remember: it’s not just your own circumstances that are improved by laughter. Laughter, like any emotion, is contagious to those around you, including your customers. Remember the famous Ella Wheeler poem that starts, “Laugh, and the world laughs with you; weep, and you weep alone. For the sad old earth must borrow it’s mirth, but has trouble enough of its own.” Your positive mental attitude will rub off on your customers; they won’t be able to help it! And happy customers are far more likely to buy than gloomy ones.

What if you don’t feel like laughing, though? Mandino provides a source of constant inspiration for laughter:

“And most of all, I will laugh at myself for man is most comical when he takes himself too seriously. Never will I fall into this trap of the mind. For though I be nature’s greatest miracle, am I not still a mere grain tossed about by the winds of time? Do I truly know whence I came or whither I am bound? Will my concern for this day not seem foolish ten years hence? Why should I permit the petty happenings of today to disturb me? What can take place before this sun sets which will not seem insignificant in the river of centuries?”

Let’s face it: we humans are a funny bunch. We’re the only ones on the planet with the ability to laugh at ourselves. Why waste this great gift and mope around in perpetual gloominess? Instead, choose to laugh at the world and bring a little joy along with you wherever you go.

“I will be happy. I will be successful. I will be the greatest salesman the world has ever known.”

“Today I will be master of my emotions.” - from The Scroll Marked VI, The Greatest Salesman In the World by Og Mandino

I woke up in a bad mood today. I was still tired from staying up until 1:00 AM writing a guest blog post, and I’d failed to meet my goal of getting this post finished in time for Wednesday morning . I must have slept in an odd position, because my shoulder was throbbing with pain. I left the house in plenty of time to make it to the meeting I was headed to, then got stuck in traffic. It seemed like a dozen or more bad drivers cut me off, and once I got off the highway every light was red. I ended up being 10 minutes late.

As I was parking my car, I stopped to check the rising tide of of frustration I was feeling. I realized that if I was going into this meeting under the control of the emotions I was feeling, I might as well get back in my car and head home; the meeting would be a pointless waste of time. Instead, I closed my eyes, took a couple of deep breaths and broke the spell of negativity I’d been under. The meeting turned out to be a success, and I was able to form an alliance that I believe is going to do great things for my business. All because I was able to master my emotions…this time.

Trust me: there have been many times that wasn’t the case, and I’m sure there are going to be many more. Why? Because I’m going to forget that I have the ability to control my emotions. I know I’m going to slip back into the illusion that all of us suffer under from time to time: the illusion that our emotions spring unbidden from somewhere deep in our hearts and that we can’t do a thing about them. It’s just an illusion, though. Our emotional reactions are programmed responses, and if they’re to be reprogrammed it’s up to each of us to get it done.

Why not just let your emotions run free, though? Isn’t it better just to let it all out and wallow in the emotions you feel? Not if maturity and success is your goal. Being at the mercy of your emotions is letting the monkeys run the zoo. Your emotions have no regard for your overall well-being; in that regard, they’re a little selfish. All they care about is their own expression. They are like children that need to be supervised and pointed in the right direction so they don’t end up in juvenile hall.

And for the salesperson, letting the emotions run the show is even more dangerous. Mandino nails it when he says:

“For unless my mood is right the day will be a failure. Trees and plants depend on the weather to flourish but I make my own weather, yea I transport it with me. If I bring rain and gloom and darkness and pessimism to my customers then they will react with rain and gloom and darkness and pessimism and they will purchase naught.”

Did you ever stop to consider that the reason so many customers are reluctant to buy right now is that they are catching the anxiety of the salespeople they interact with? That the Fear Fever you’re suffering might be contagious? Because it is, and it’s killing your chances of being great.

What’s the remedy? I always say to “mind the gap”, that is the gap between stimulus and response when you get to choose your emotional response to what happens to you. And when you can manage to remain aware, to simply observe, that you have certain emotional reactions to specific situations, the emotions begin to lose their power over you and you begin to take mastery over them. The Buddhists call it being mindful. They say that if you can just be aware of what’s happening in the moment, you’ll be able to exercise control over how you respond. That is true sales mastery!

Remember that if you can master your emotions, you can master anything. You will exert a new control over your life, your circumstances, and the universe around you. You’ll begin to experience the power of creating your reality to look how you want it to look. Because when you choose your reactions, you choose your destiny.

“I will become master of myself. I will become great.”

Simply stated, HERO Selling requires the salesperson to be Humble, Ethical, Responsible and Optimistic.  I know that’s not the way most people are used to thinking of those in sales, but my mission is to make a believer of you.

You see, the reason you don’t think HERO is an accurate description of a salesperson is that precious few salespeople actually behave that way on a consistent basis.  But here’s a secret: the best ones do!! In fact, you’ve probably encountered many of these HEROs and weren’t even aware that you were being sold to.  Truth be told, you weren’t actually being sold to, at least not in the sense that the word has come to mean (i.e. being coerced to buy something against your will).  The HERO wasn’t selling so much as he or she was making it comfortable for you to buy.  And that, my friends, is the key to being a HERO.

More than anything, what the economy needs right now is for more people to feel comfortable buying again.  At the moment, people in general are very reluctant to part with any of their money out of fear for the day when they won’t have anymore to spend.  What happens if this trend continues? More shrinkage, more cutbacks, and even more bad news. What the world needs now is consumers, and it’s up to the salespeople of the world to gently coax them out of their shells.

Does this mean that I think salespeople should be trying to convince people to buy things they don’t need or can’t afford?  No.  All we have to do is look at the mortgage crisis to see where that kind of behavior leads.  What I do mean is that we, the salespeople of the world, have to make it OK for people to buy the things they do want, need and can afford.  And we need to do it now!

So, are you ready to embark on our HEROic mission?  Great!  I’m glad to have you along.  Over the next few days, we’ll analyze each characteristic of the HERO salesperson.  As we do, think about how these principles can be applied in your business, starting right now!  When we’re done with that, I’ll be asking for your help in a special campaign for the launch of a new website all about HERO Selling and the people who make it possible: YOU.

With the beginning of a new month on the horizon, I want to chat for a bit about information overload and its effect on the unwary salesperson. I’m sure you would agree that it’s very easy to get bogged down with too much information: from the daily news to talk radio to the endless stream of e-mail alerts, RSS feeds and Tweets, we receive far more information in a day than we can hope to process. This often leads to that old disease, the paralysis of analysis.

When we ask our minds to process too much information, we have a tendency to lose sight of the fact that information alone is useless. We have to put that information to use, and in a positive direction, before we receive any value from it. For example, consider all the data you’ve seen recently with regard to the economy. From the sub-prime mortgage crisis and the related plummet in real estate prices, to the oft-repeated declaration of “the worst depression since the Depression”, we are bombarded by data that has worked many people into a state of panic. This panic has caused many salespeople to fall into negative thinking patterns (“No one is buying in this economy!”) which prevents them from engaging in the very activities that could bring a swift end to all the bad news. Enough is enough, already!

Consider a different way to look at, process and do something with all that information that comes in the form of “bad news” about the economy. What if, instead of buying into the panic, the salespeople of the world looked at the situation as their cue to step up their efforts and invigorate the economy? What would happen then?

I’ll tell you what would happen: we would get the blood (in other words, the money) flowing again. That is the power that you, the world’s sales force, holds in your mortal hands. We all know that salespeople (and small business owners, entrepreneurs, solo-professionals, etc.) are the backbone to any thriving economy; at the same time, we can also exacerbate a stagnant economy. The only difference is in our attitudes. If we buy into the dismal outlook regarding the future, are we really going to feel motivated to get out and make our daily number of connections with prospects? If, on the other hand, we choose to let all that information motivate us to take responsibility for getting things moving again, we really can make a difference.

I’d like for you to try a little exercise with me: from now on, whenever you sell something I’d like for you to visualize the process by which that product or service arrives at the customer’s door. Think of all the folks who receive a paycheck along the way; try to imagine what they, in turn, buy with the proceeds of that check and all the subsequent paychecks that activity generates. Keep it up until you can see a crowd of at least a thousand people in your mind’s eye, all smiling and waving their checks over their heads. Now, I’d like for you to accept that you are responsible for making sure they continue to get those checks! That certainly changes the way you look at your sales day, doesn’t it?

It really is amazing how shifting your perspective can influence your activities and, therefore, your results. So get out there and get things moving! As we start to see the first signs of improvement, fan the flames! Let’s all work to create the momentum we need to bring the world’s economy back to its feet and take it to even greater heights. This is your call to action. If you’re in, spend the rest of the week doing your best to help people buy. Who knows: the paycheck you save might be yours.

Some sales trainers will tell you that the location of your sales presentations is of critical importance in making the sale; unfortunately, they don’t all agree what that location should be. Some say that sales presentations should be made in the prospect’s office, others in your office and still others in a neutral zone such as a restaurant. I’m going to break with these folks and say that the only place where truly successful selling takes place is right between the your ears.

The most important playing field in sales is and always has been your mind. Look at any sales superstar and you’ll see this is true. The truly great ones in any field succeed because they have developed the mindset for success. For some, this mindset has developed naturally because of good genes and a nurturing environment. For most of us, though, developing the right mindset takes a significant amount of work and a constant vigilance to guard any progress we make.

The reason for this is that we are under a constant barrage of negative messages from the world around us. We take in so much negative information on a daily basis, it can be a real challenge to keep our success mindset intact. What are some steps we can take that will help? Try these:

First, limit the amount of negative information you voluntarily take in on a daily basis and replace the negative with something positive. I talked about this a couple of days ago, but the point is this: be proactive with your mental intake.  Don’t just soak it all up like Sponge Bob…choose what you allow into your mind.  Your conscious mind is the filter for your unconscious, so use the filter wisely to sift out negative thoughts.  Do like Tom Hopkins says: whenever a negative thought starts to creep in, throw your hand out in front of you and shout “BAD SEED!”  You’ll be amazed at how effective this technique is for banishing negative thoughts…and the people who would spread them.

Second, and perhaps even more important, I want you to start consciously choosing to be optimistic. Focus on the good things, the things you are grateful for. Remember that no matter how bad things might seem right now, there is almost always someone who is in a worse plight than yours. Optimism is a choice. You get to choose in each moment how you are going to react to what the world is offering you. The more often you choose to react with gratitude and optimism, the more you will see the world around you respond with things to be grateful for.