pos·tur·ing

1 : to assume a posture; especially : to strike a pose for effect
2 : to assume an artificial or pretended attitude

This post has been stewing in my brain for days, and I think it’s about time I get it out.  If it seems a little disjointed, well, consider the source.

I’m calling out the “fake it ’til you make it crowd”; I think it’s time to put that idea to rest.  While the philosophy seemed like a good one at first blush, I’m beginning to understand that “faking it” is just another way of hiding from the fear of being open, honest and transparent.

The thought is that by pretending you’ve already arrived at the destination, somehow the journey will be less arduous and time-consuming.  If you’ll just act like a successful business person (i.e. “fake it”), so the theory goes, people will assume that you are a successful businessperson and will want to do business with you (i.e. you’ll “make it”).  Sounds good, right?  You can move to the front of the class without doing any homework or passing any tests; who wouldn’t want to do that?  Where do I sign up?

Here’s the problem, though: if you’re not a successful business person, pretending to be one is at least a little dishonest.  What happens if that new client, trusting in the posture you’ve assumed, hands over a project you’re not prepared to deal with and you continue to fake it?  What could your posturing cost you (not to mention your client) in the long run?

For the record, I want to be perfectly clear that “acting as if” and visualizing your success, both on your own and with your team, is one of the best ways to stay optimistic and to keep moving forward.  What I’m concerned about, though, is the growing number of people I meet who are taking these exercises out into the world with them, pretending to know things they don’t know, taking on work that they don’t know how to do and have no intention of learning how to do, and causing harm to others in the process.

And why are they doing it?  Because they’re living in fear of being “found out”.  They fear if their clients find out that they’re struggling, the clients will go away.  They fear admitting they’re having a tough time because they think it diminishes their value in the marketplace.  They fear having their failures exposed.  And so they “assume an artificial or pretended attitude”; they posture, hoping that no one will see the panic behind their plastic smiles.

It’s time to stop the madness.  It’s time we all stopped posing and started being.  It’s time to be OK with what IS, to accept it, to embrace it, to be grateful for it, to appreciate it, to revel in its perfection.

Struggling to pay your bills?  Welcome to the club…we’re accepting new members daily.  Wondering how you’re going to make payroll this month?  Know that you’re not alone.  Recovering from a failed business, a failed relationship, or a failed everything?  Me too.  And that’s OK.  You know why?

Because life, in its infinite perfection, is teaching us the lessons we need to learn to prepare us for the greatness we were born for.

It’s a fine balance to maintain, and difficult at times, to live in that space where you’re simultaneously visualizing a better future and accepting the “IS”-ness of the present moment; if you’ll be patient with it, though, it will get easier.  Deciding on the policy of transparency is a tough row to hoe, but the rewards outweigh the risks ten-fold.  Stay tuned for a discussion of the benefits in a future post; in the meantime, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

Thanks for reading!

“You teach best what you most need to learn.” – Richard Bach

As I sat down to write today’s post, I found myself having to take a big heaping spoonful of my own medicine.  I didn’t like the way it tasted going down, but I know I’ll feel better for having taken it.  That’s the problem with sharing your ideas in such a public format: you leave yourself open to people calling you on your BS when you’re not applying your own wisdom.  I guess that’s not really a problem, though…probably more of a benefit since it keeps you in alignment with your own philosophy.

The scary (and kind of cool) part, though, is when you start to catch yourself in the act before someone else has to point it out to you.  That’s when you know you’re getting close to living your truth.

I’ve been having that experience more and more often.  Like today when I was driving home from the office.  I suddenly realized that I was in a funk (and had been for a couple of days) because I was trying to control the outcomes in my life (the things I can’t control) instead of focusing on the processes (the things I totally have control over).

I started to inventory the things I was frustrated with: the client who hasn’t paid an invoice that was due on the first of the month (it’s the 20th as I write this), the fact that I didn’t have a full house at an event I put on, the client who has verbally committed to a pretty big new deal but hasn’t put pen to paper and signed their agreement yet, the new client that keeps putting off our first meeting and making it impossible to get started on her project; you get the picture.  Sure enough, all of the things that were frustrating me were things that were out of my direct control; my clients controlled the outcome of each of those situations.

This didn’t mean I was powerless, though, because I also realized something else: that I can influence the outcome.  How?  By managing my own processes: being diligent with my follow up to make sure no deals slip through the cracks, improving the level of service and results I deliver so that my clients pay my invoices as soon as they get them for fear they’ll lose me as a partner,  inviting twice or three times as many people to the next event so that it’s standing room only.  Those are all things I can do, and they’re the very things that get neglected when I get caught up in trying to control the outcome instead of managing the process.

So as I write this post, I’m doing my best to release my attachment to any particular outcome.  When I wake up tomorrow morning, I’m going to focus on the things I have control of, put all my effort into performing those tasks, and leave the rest to sort itself out.  I’ll let you know how it turns out.

“I will laugh at the world.” - from The Scroll Marked VII, The Greatest Salesman In the World by Og Mandino

Is there any ailment in the world that a good laugh won’t cure? I don’t think so. I mean, the jury’s still out on whether Norman Cousins actually healed himself by watching Marx Brothers movies, but I’ll tell you one thing for certain: he sure felt better!

And that’s all that really matters, isn’t it? I know that when things are going great and I’m happy, I can be sick as a dog and it doesn’t phase me. I to recover a lot faster from any illnesses, if I get them at all. On the other hand, whenever I’m feeling down or depressed, the slightest cold can put me down for days.

Once again, we find that it’s all a matter of our perception of our situation and our chosen reaction to it. We can choose to be in a depressing slump or we can do something about it: laugh! Have you ever been in a situation where things were so bad, so depressing, that you didn’t know if you could endure any more, then caught a case of the giggles? How did it make you feel? At first it’s a little disturbing and you question whether you’ve lost your mind, then you start to feel a little better. The giggle turns into a hearty belly laugh and, before you know it, you’re wondering what you were so worried about!

It’s been said that tragedy plus time equals comedy, so why not shortcut the system? If you can see that you’re probably going to look back on a bad situation and laugh, why wait? Why not “laugh at the world” now? Mandino teaches four magical words that make this easy to do: this too shall pass. If you can always remember that, no matter what’s happening for you right now it will eventually pass, you can survive almost anything.

And remember: it’s not just your own circumstances that are improved by laughter. Laughter, like any emotion, is contagious to those around you, including your customers. Remember the famous Ella Wheeler poem that starts, “Laugh, and the world laughs with you; weep, and you weep alone. For the sad old earth must borrow it’s mirth, but has trouble enough of its own.” Your positive mental attitude will rub off on your customers; they won’t be able to help it! And happy customers are far more likely to buy than gloomy ones.

What if you don’t feel like laughing, though? Mandino provides a source of constant inspiration for laughter:

“And most of all, I will laugh at myself for man is most comical when he takes himself too seriously. Never will I fall into this trap of the mind. For though I be nature’s greatest miracle, am I not still a mere grain tossed about by the winds of time? Do I truly know whence I came or whither I am bound? Will my concern for this day not seem foolish ten years hence? Why should I permit the petty happenings of today to disturb me? What can take place before this sun sets which will not seem insignificant in the river of centuries?”

Let’s face it: we humans are a funny bunch. We’re the only ones on the planet with the ability to laugh at ourselves. Why waste this great gift and mope around in perpetual gloominess? Instead, choose to laugh at the world and bring a little joy along with you wherever you go.

“I will be happy. I will be successful. I will be the greatest salesman the world has ever known.”